The Specialist

I wouldn't consider myself a photography snob, but after my recent experience at both Sears and Target this year, I might be wrong.

As you may recall, I took Daniel down to the next big town for his three month photos.  Even though studio photos are pretty out of vogue, I had certain months documented for all three older brothers and I wanted to continue the tradition with the littlest guy.  Well...it was kind of a disaster.  The pictures were expensive and the photographer was borderline inept and now I've been dodging Sears telemarketers for the last nine months as they seem to be having a special offer they can't wait to sell me every other week.  I should probably avoid saying I'm never going back, because you never know, but...I'm never going back.

My resolution already caused one fail when a photography session I was planning for my kids fell through at the next photo milestone.  Daniel's eight month pictures didn't happen and the coordinating summer outfits I had purchased, including Gymboree polos and cute seerksucker shorts, went unused and unworn (because my kids wear t-shirts and basketball shorts.  A collar seems to insult their extremely casual sensitivities).




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I was also less motivated because Seth's shorts were mislabled.  I already knew a size 12 would be borderline small but when he put these shorts on during the summer, they were skin tight.   I thought, "That can't be right," and had him try on the 10's I got for Sam.  Sure enough, the 10s were larger.  I figure these shorts are actually 7 or 8s.  Funny.  Really funny that he could pull them on!

When I decided to travel to Montana for Thanksgiving, I knew I'd be traveling through Utah, which probably does more baby photography, both professional, semi-professional and studio, than any other state in the union.  I thought my plan to get Daniel's one-year pictures, albeit a month early, as well as pictures of all four boys for Christmas cards, was failproof.  I also thought, "I can still use the matching polos!  They don't look too summery paired with jeans."

I weighed the differences between different options and decided to go with Target.  My sister had a Groupon something or other that made it seem like going there was a sweet deal.  It turned out to not work at the location I went to but the printed portraits lining the walls of the teeny tiny studio convinced me it was still a good choice.

I made an appointment for Saturday afternoon.  At a Target.  In Utah.  The weekend before Thanksgiving.

It was not a good choice.

Holy large families, batman.

There was no room for us.  I mean, we were quite a group as well with four children and two adults (my sister, Maureen, went to help me), but we were nothing alongside the family with five practically grown children, the family with six children in their Sunday best and the family with the week old, who came with lots of outfit changes.  Everyone tried to be friendly enough but crowds in a good place overwhelm me and that many people surrounding me, plus the appointments being late, did not put me in a happy place.  I thought Target could do no wrong, but....well...I was wrong.

By the time the photographer called us into the 12X12 room, Daniel was already done.  He was tired of being held.  He was tired of being touched.  He was tired.  I brushed off her suggestions for festive holiday backdrops and props and said, "Just black and white, please.  No props."  Every single picture, I believe, they have on their walls has a black or white background with no props.  They are close ups of faces or cute candid shots.  If their festive backgrounds and props are such a hit, why aren't they proud of any of those pictures????  No, no. no.

She took a few shots and I could tell this wasn't going to be successful.  Daniel wouldn't hold still and Seth and Sam were nervous because they could tell I was grumpy.  Henry did better than expected (sometimes, he won't look at a camera) but instead of being surly, he was super cheesy.  Every grin was hardwired on his face.

The woman taking photos was jovial and started putting the boys in weird poses.  She could obviously detect my discomfort and reassured me that I'd have plenty of the more traditional pictures to choose from but she wanted to show me what she could do.  "I specialize in relationship photography," she explained.  And by that, she meant that she really wanted me to put my hands in a picture.

I had already refused the alluring hand shot option before the photo shoot even started but I was so worn down and disappointed by how things were going that I said, "Sure" when she brought it up again.  She had me stand next to Daniel and hold his hands and then said, "Now, get him to look up at you by talking to him."

Of course, he wouldn't.  He didn't even want to be holding my hands.  He wanted me to let him go and let him crawl over to the expensive photography equipment.  I've got a technology lover on my hands.

She snapped off a few and then we were done.  I  knew there would be nothing I absolutely loved and I was right.  I mean....they are my children so of course I think they are cute, but the sales guy they stick you with out in the foyer couldn't convince me to buy anything but the CD.  And that was expensive.

The following pictures include every single one "saved" meaning these were the best ones.  Sigh.

Action shot?

Kind of cute but his shirt needs to be pulled down.

Cute.  But not overwhelmingly so.

And then came the hands.  I actually wouldn't mind these had she told me to take off my big ol' white watch.

This is what is called a relationship photo, in case you were unaware.

Probably the cutest one.  Blast that white watch.

Group shot.  Don't love it.

Best one of the bunch, although Seth's smile is forced and Henry is....something.

I would have had this be the main Christmas card photo but with Henry leaning out, it didn't fit in a lot of the templates.

Henry stopped looking at the camera.  He can only focus for so long.

No.

 This took some persuading to even get me to consent and I actually admit that it's probably the cutest one.  I was worried, though.

Then, came the sales pitch.  Look at what we can do with our computer magic!

 We can put pictures side by side but....just off a bit.  Wow!

We can stack them in a small print.

We can collage them for you!

The photographer took an up close shot of Henry's shirt pattern and then used it as the background.   kind of cute.

I know these are sweet but they aren't my style.

 I expressed interest in Christmas cards and the guy gave me these two options.  I figured if I had the CD, I could just make something on my own.

I need to get better at photography.  I know what I like and there just isn't anyone here who offers family pictures at a reasonable price.  I checked with one professional here and the minimum sitting fee was $250 (that came with no pictures) and if you want the digital images afterward, you can purchase the CD for $900.  There has got to be a happy medium between my failures at these box store portrait studios and these overpriced photography sessions.   I'd love to take a class to become that happy medium.