Book Review #11 - The Tenth Circle

I know I am supposed to be reading The Hiding Place. But first Harry Potter distracted me and then on a whim I bought this at Sam's Club looking for a less emotional read.

But, if you've ever read Jodi Piccoult, she is all about the emotional. In fact, this being the third book I've read of hers, I'm beginning to think she's overly emotional.

The Tenth Circle is cleverly written. The main narrator is Daniel Stone, a comic book writer and artist who is working on a new series based on his life and his wife's life study of Dante's Inferno. In Dante's Inferno, there are nine circles of hell. In this story, and in the comic book pages that begins each chapter as a parallel story to Daniel's real life, the hero (or heroes) discover that there is actually a tenth circle of hell. I'll let you discover what the tenth circle is if you are so inclined to read this.

The book is well written and the characters adequately developed. Daniel is a reformed troubled youth with a mysterious history he doesn't talk about with his wife and daughter, who completely turned his life around to be a stay-at-home father to Trixie. His fatherhood is his alter ego. His wife fell in love with the bad boy and then gets bored after years of his cleaned-up act and has an affair with one of her students taking her Dante class. And Trixie, their teenage daughter, somehow becomes one messed up chica over a boy who breaks up with her.

The story lost me with all three character's extreme behavior. It just wasn't believable. Trixie is date raped by her ex-boyfriend. This part of the story was unbelievably real and I thought had the makings of a great, complicated debate on teenage sex. But the author didn't follow through. Her absolute defense of Trixie (who didn't want to have sex, but didn't say no because she was drunk and high but she tried to push him off - he didn't get the message because he was drunk and high and used to having sex with her because they had been active for several months beforehand) of accusing her ex-boyfriend of rape and the rage and upset it cost him, their friends, his family, the school, the community and ultimately her own family, was never questioned.

I thought a more appropriate argument could be made for the emotional and psychological repercussions of teenage sex. It's not just that they can, or do, but if they should. Trixie, a fourteen year old who become obsessed by her "love" for her first boyfriend, becomes almost suicidal after their break-up. She makes really poor decisions afterwards, including dressing provocatively in an effort to win him back, and some dangerous, reckless behavior at a party that ultimately broke her. Her parents made equally bad decisions in their handling of their daughter before and after. But again, that wasn't really Piccoult's point. Ultimately, she didn't really have one except that Trixie's father would go to whatever depths of hell to avenge his daughter. Kind of over-the-top, I think. I'm not belittling the devastating effects of date-rape. But the line was so, so blurry here, that there had to be a discussion of that very line. I think Piccoult got caught up in her clever idea of weaving in a comic strip and her Dante angle and missed the bigger picture.

She's done it before. I enjoyed My Sister's Keeper but thought Vanishing Acts missed the point by a long shot. It's as if she does all of this research (sister's keeper is about Genetic tampering and Vanishing Acts is about the prison system) and writes the research no matter where the story takes her. She worked it out with My Sister's Keeper but didn't do justice for Dante, comic books or the paramount subject of date-rape in this story.

It's a shame because she's a good writer. But, I'm ready for her to write about something other than a teenage girl's drama.

The Tour d'Luciville

This is mostly for my family and friends back home who have wanted to see my new home. And, I suppose, for the little voyeur in the rest of you:)

I have never pretended to possess any style or knack for decor. But, once you add all the factors together (white walls without license to paint, different floor plan where old decorations no longer work and a one-year time line...so why go buy new things that go) and the result even worse than what I can normally come up with. It is a pretty bland environment. I'll probably add a few more things to the walls but not that much. What's the point? Oh...a welcoming and inviting environment to exist in? Yeah, that would be nice, I guess. Next year.

I like it although it is not without its flaws. Like the dining room at the bottom of the stairs that blocks one of the entrances to the kitchen. Or ALL OF THE CARPET!!! Carpet in eating areas is only appropriate if you happen to be 75 with no chance of kids coming over. We've lived here a month and the carpet has already been dosed with boiling water (a surefire way to get stains out) to get out an orange juice spill, several milk spills, red jello that Henry some how got a hold of and used as play-doh, and jedi juice (a recipe from the blogger cookbook - fabulous!) I hate it.

But mostly I like the place. It's newer and everything works, especially the A/C (except for the one day it did not but thankfully Jay did not panic like I did and managed to change the filter, unfreeze the pipe and get us cold again). I even like my oval garden tub without any kind of curtain to close and the completely clear glass shower that overexposes both of us. Thankfully, there are no secrets anymore.

Here it is! Our little abode for the next year:

This is the view from the front door. There is a little tiled entry way with the piano room (messy picture in post from yesterday) to the left and the living room, which is separated by a half wall to the right. ( I realize that mirror is ridiculously small for that wall, but it's what I have.)

This is the half bath right next to the door from the garage. Now that I'm looking at it, that decorative piece needs to come down a foot. Rebecca! Help!

The view coming in from the garage. From the dining room.

Taken from the bottom of the stairs looking to living room.

The living room with a few escapee puzzle pieces.

At the top of the stairs is the main bathroom.

Turn around in the hallway and there is where I sit at this very minute.

Next to the computer area is the spare room and...

the laundry room. No more walking through a closet to get to the laundry for me!

Seth and Sam's room is in the middle of the three bedrooms. Henry is now in a portacrib in the spare bedroom. He was originally in our master closet. The bedrooms get pretty light.

Our master bedroom. It's very spacious and stark.

The hallway to the master bath. I will not design a master room this way. I hate that if Jay gets up early then there is light in the room. There needs to be a door or sharper corner or something.

My reading room:) Nothing like a good book in a hot bath. There's a little private toilet room with a door to the right of the shower. I love that idea. Even though that barrier has been broken long ago, it's still nice to have some privacy when you gotta go!

Oh... that's it. I don't really want to end this with any visions of using the actual toilet so let me think of something else. Oh wait..

Here's our little yard. There is no gate or shed so I have no idea what the previous occupant did to mow this little patch of grass. You'd have to wheel the mower through the house if you kept it in the garage! Jay just weed whacked it. I guess that's what we'll keep doing even though I think it permanently messed up his shoulder. The rose bushes up top are nice to look at but growing all sorts of out of control. What am I supposed to do with them?????

There you have it! I hope you had a nice time. Did you notice the spare room? We're willing if you're able!

When Bloggers Get Together...

You know how there are days when you feel like meeting new people and days when you absolutely do not? Yesterday was THE day of all days to feel up to meeting new people (well...except for perhaps that first day of freshman orientation at BYU when you get put into a "Y Group" and your willingness to pass oranges from neck to neck can make or break your week) and I....was....a....grump! Jay was gone pretty much all day looking for a new car. The truck has been acting strangely at times, not to mention burning a hole in our pockets keeping it full of gas, so we decided to lose the truck and gain a commuter car. I printed out a list of cars for Jay to go look at and off he went. For about 20 minutes. Then he came back with a little black cloud over his head and some black on his hands and clothes. Flat tire. On a highway.

After some convincing that it wasn't really optional, he went back out into the big, bad, car-shopping world and I resumed Saturday chores. I was on a roll and got all the bedding washed and changed, all the laundry done, folded, AND put away, the three bathrooms cleaned and the upstairs vacuumed. Then I came downstairs and my efforts there from the night before had been undone by a day of playing boys. Which I need to realize is their job and not get so offended by it.

Sigh

I honestly think I was stressed at the thought of going to a party full of relative strangers and those nerves and Jay being gone all day and my dislike of housework created the perfect storm. Jay called me to tell me he bought a car! And I kind of crushed his excitement by telling him I needed to get in the shower.

If I was a flake, which I pray I'm not although I have flaky moments, I probably would have skipped out. Driving down I wished I had done more homework and found out who was going so that I could have read their blogs and had some clue as to what to talk to them about. When I pulled into the parking lot, I saw a group of girls and wondered if they were going to the blog party. Instead of asking if their gifts and food were heading in the same direction, I avoided eye-contact and walked into the building alone.

There was the sign. Blog Party - Room 316. This was it. I was officially going.

Up on the third floor, I entered a rather dark room with wood floors that was filled with women, nicely wrapped gifts, some balloons and flowers and surprisingly comfortable chairs. I immediately saw Jill, who I recognized and my mood snapped. I was genuinely very glad to meet her. She was very friendly, someone came over to us and grabbed the pink-frosted Sam's Club cookies I brought (bookgroup gals, I haven't changed at all. I meant to make something delectable and pretend that it was the sort of thing I whipped up all the time but, once again, a store came to my rescue) and I picked up a clipboard with questions about my blog preferences and opinions. Dana was there and I headed to sit near a familiar face.

Amy M. and Dana

I looked around and was surprised that no one seemed familiar. I thought from reading comments on other blogs, or the memory from the time I had read their blog (because I swear I've at least looked at most people's blogs) I would sense familiarity around me but I really felt like I was in a room full of complete strangers. Jill encouraged us to get some food so I went to the food table and picked out some goodies (not those puffy pink cookies though). As I was eating, I recognized Annalisa and she came over to sit next to Dana and me. She's happy and enthusiastic and it was great to put a live personality on another blogger whose blog I read.

Me and Annalisa

She came with two of her sisters, Crystalyn and Laralee, who I met and thought were friendly and fun.

Jana, Annalisa and Hannah

I won a door prize - and I wasn't too proud to snatch the fudge!

Rachel came over because Dana was her friendly face too and I remembered that she was Donna's sister-in-law (her brother is Donna's husband - Donna and Ryan are good friends with Jen and Christopher). Rachel is this impossibly small person with a really great personality. Very friendly and open, it was naturally easy to become friends with her.

Rachel and me

When I had finished eating and walking back from getting a Diet Pepsi, I recognized Allison, who I knew was a good friend of Jenny. I knew we had the medical school/residency journey in common and we talked about that and her perseverance in the south.

Allison and me.

Crystalyn was next to us and soon we were talking about our RSV scares with our babies. Really, having an infant in the ICU is a bond.

At that point, Jill started the introductions and went around the circle of chairs individually describing each attendee. I did great until about the last ten people whose names I probably still couldn't get right. But Jill knew everyone. Not just their names but about them. It was fun to catch her subtle humor when she was introducing someone she was good friends with. Like her friend Amie or Claudia or Michelle - you can tell she truly loves her friends.

Jill introducing Jenn or Allison

Jill introducing Collette and Lindsay

After introductions, we were given a number to go find a present. We all opened them at the same time, but then went around the room again and showed what we had received and thanked whoever brought it.

Rachel got a very cute gift from Amy M.

I'd have to say, people went all out making their gifts personal and cute. So many address books, notebooks, cards and stickers and journals. I brought a frame and no, I didn't make it. I was kind of embarrassed about my gift and was mortified when I saw Claudia walking back to her chair, which happened to be right next to mine, with the gift I brought. She, in her fetching white linen outfit with strappy espadrilles sandals and sparkly jewelry just seemed to deserve something MORE. I didn't admit for awhile that I brought it and she even seemed fine with it.

I got one of the most crafty gifts offered that night, which, if you know me, is hugely ironic.

Look Out! Lucy is going to to get out scissors!

Chloe gave me paper, which I know what to do with, and markers, again I know what for....to write with I presume, and some letter stickers which are obviously to be used to identify things or used at titles. The only things that completely bewilder me are the felt cut-outs that came in a bottle. Do I glue them to something? Don't they only stick onto other felt things? Is it to be used in some sort of Family Home Evening?

Huh?

After gifts, we huddled for a group photo. By now, everyone seemed comfortable and relaxed and it was a good time for photo ops. That is when I took most of the pictures you see here but unfortunately, relaxed and comfortable doesn't mean that blush and mascara are still looking good. What can I say...it was four hours later!

Dana and me

I was about to leave but hadn't met someone I had really wanted to meet. I sort of forced myself onto Amy M. whose photography I am in awe of and whose thoughts and perspectives I truly enjoy reading. She was extremely nice, humble and oddly unaware of her massive talent.

Crystalyn, Amy M. and me

I didn't meet everyone. No one really knew who I was, since I don't have a picture of me as part of my profile and don't have my blog linked to my profile. If they were in doubt as to my identity, I pulled my Jenny card and that seemed to appease anyone. I know Jenny. In real life. At blog parties, that will get you far.

I wish my Spokane blog posse could have been there. Andrea and Kristin, you were especially missed because I know you both would have loved it. And I don't wish you were there so that you could have shielded me from the awkwardness of making new friends, but it would have been fun to enjoy this all with you. You were there in spirit and if there is ever another one, I expect you to be there! There were lots of other bloggers I wish would have been there. I can see the temptation in organizing one. Inviting all the people you want to meet in your particular blog arena. Maybe someday when I have a yard and the money to lure everyone with fancy soda and crackers!

Overall, I believe bloggers are a great group of people. Open, giving and friendly....the kind of people you want to know. I think my favorite part of the evening was finding out how everyone started blogging. Talk about six degrees of separation!. Jill was definitely Kevin Bacon last night as most blogs stemmed from her. So, thanks Jill, for your gracious hostessing and open arms. I had a lot of fun.

THE blog-girl, Jill!

Make New Friends, But Keep The Old...

I've been pretty social the last two days. Christi, my dear old friend from our med school days in Denver, is visiting her family and called me hoping to rendezvous. We met at Thanksgiving Point and enjoyed talking to each other in between chasing after our walking babies. She has two cuties and it was great to watch her being a mom. I wish we would have had more time together to catch up but it was great to see her for a few hours. That was as long as Henry and Tristan wanted our social call to last.

Henry and Tristan

Sammy making his fossil cast and Christi helping her daughter, Kennedy.

Mother and daughter

Sammy was very proud of his creation.

Lucy and Christi - friends forever

Today, I met a new friend, Denise, for lunch. This is the second opportunity I've had to meet someone I know solely through the internet. I have always found her humor appealing and her interests similar to mine so wasn't really worried that we wouldn't have anything to talk about. We met at Cafe Rio and I had a great time chit chatting with this great lady. So far, blogger hasn't let me down. Let's see if I can go 3 for 3 with the big party tomorrow.

We were going to go on the ward camp out tonight but we never got the information about where it was going to be or when it all started so decided to skip. Plus, I knew this was the last time for the next year, that we'd have the ability to exercise that option of not going. After this ward activity, we are in charge.

Happy Birthday Jenny!

Unsure

I took Seth to second grade today. We had no information other than the name of his teacher (which I sort of remembered....I knew it started with a "C") so I tried taking him to directly to his classroom. But his teacher didn't have her name on the door because she's new so I had to ask someone else where Mrs. Crossley's classroom was. The teacher responded, "Miss Coley?" Well, of course, that's what I meant! The bell had rung and the kids were lining up outside so I had to take Seth back outside to line up. There was a lot of Spanish being spoken outside. It's not a bad thing, I'm just not used to it. In reality, for the percentage of moms there by race, I was a minority. I went inside with him and saw him find his desk. His class is big and diverse and he was very quiet and nervous.

tallest kid in his class once again!

First day of second grade for Seth.

The pick-up scene was straight out of Mr. Mom. They have a new system and it was a mess. I heard the instructions from the morning, but was the only minivan in the new pick-up line after school and I doubted myself. I moved the van and parked not wanting Seth to have any panic about where I would be. But then the principle came out and hollered at all the parents "doing it wrong." I was right, darn it! Should have stuck to my guns but Seth will know where to find me tomorrow.

Seth said he had a good day. I remembered the trick to not ask general questions so kept peppering him with specifics like, "Did you do any math?" "Did you play soccer at recess?" Turns out he played by himself at recess and can't remember who he sat by at lunch, but the boys who sits next to him, "seems like a nice boy" (his words). I must not panic. I am not sure about this school.

I had my first invitation for a park play date today. A nice woman from my ward came to my door at 4:00 to see if I wanted to walk to the park with her. Jay had just gotten home (academic day) so I asked if we could do it another day. So that's hopeful.

I feel like my situation here is very unusual. Most of the time, when you move, you'd think that finding friends, getting yourself out there, would be important. But, we have so much family so close by that we have this built in social network. And we are only here for one year. So, my desire to bond with women in my ward is low. Not non-existent, but low. That feels wrong to me.

Then, add the fact that I am now in a place that affords the opportunity to meet new "blogger" friends. I can honestly say, a year ago, I would never have imagined any desire to meet anyone I happened to meet via the internet. It really seemed weird to me. But here it is, a year later, and I went to see a movie with a blogger, having lunch with a blogger and going to an actual blog party on Saturday. I heard about it awhile ago but you know how many little circles there are in blogland, and I'm not really part of this particular blog party circle. But, I know about it and I know some of the people going, and I started to convince myself that I'm a blogger and should go! Now, I'm not so sure. Well, I RSVP'd...so I'm going. But it's kind of like going on a blind date for me. Except I know exactly how they look and pretty much everything about their lives. So...maybe not so blind. But you know what I mean, right? I don't know what their voice sounds like, or if they do this thing with their neck that drives me crazy or if they are a close talker. Even worse, what if I'm neck lady and I don't even know it? Then, there could be this coded talk going on around blogs about neck lady and I'd be thinking, "I didn't notice her."

Real life studies insist that there will be people I am drawn to, that I enjoy talking to and mingling with, and that there will be people there who I do not. And vice versa. I don't want people not to like me. And I can avoid that very thing if I don't go. But I RSVP'd. So I'm going.

Do you know how many cameras are going to be there? You know I can't control all the cropping and editing with all of those cameras!! What if someone doesn't delete the unflattering picture of my double chin or crazy eyes? Eeek! Really, I should be focused on the great and wonderful new relationships that I will enjoy but all I can think about is which shirt will best camouflage my arms. Stay tuned.

So I need some courage. I know some of you would go at the drop of the hat and have a ball. But, I have been given the responsibility to bring a good-mail exchange present and I know some unlucky girl, who probably loves ribbon, is going to have to go home disappointed with my store-bought TJ Maxx great find.

Would anybody else be stressing about this? It'll be fun, right?

Sergeant Sam

It was haircut time around our house yesterday. The buzz cuts have grown out and all three of the boys were looking kind of scruffy with hair over their ears and tufts in the back. With school starting again, Seth didn't want another buzz cut so Jay trimmed up the sides and back and left the length on top. While he was doing that, Sammy got a hold of some scissors and cut a two-inch diameter patch of hair close to his scalp. Sammy has done this before. Sammy now looks like he joined the army.

Jay buzzed with a #3 last time. But the patch was shorter than that. Here is as short as it can get without shaving. He loves it.

Days of '47

My camera ran out of batteries! How am I supposed to blog about a parade without pictures of some of the better moments? This won't be nearly as entertaining as it could have been...

Jay left early this morning, shortly after 5:00 am, to secure curbside seating for the rest of us. We still left at the early hour of 7:30 to meet him downtown and wait for the granddaddy of Utah parades to wow us. Jay got a great spot and had set up a sun shade for all of our camp chairs. All around us were people sleeping in sleeping bags and on top of air mattresses that had been there all night. Babies, toddlers, kids...I do not understand that kind of fervor for a parade.

A fighter jet flew overhead right at 9:00, the parade start time, and flew lower than I'd ever seen one fly. It was impressive and got us all a bit excited for the celebration. But we were probably a mile down the parade route and so didn't see anything else for another thirty minutes. Lots of motorcycle brigades doing driving tricks. President Hinckley led the parade in the back of a convertible with one of his daughters. THAT'S when I noticed that my camera was completely out of batteries. So sad. But we waved and he waved back with his fun long buckskin gloves on. What a dear man.

Lots of cheesy politicians behind him and then the floats and marching bands. There were a lot of floats! One for each suburb of Salt Lake. And it seemed like one for each stake, although I know it was really only a fraction of all of them. And lots of other floats besides. Other churches, businesses, organizations. Such an interesting phenomenon to me. So much money must go into those floats! Do they recycle them? Reuse them the next year? It would be hard for me to be passionate about making one.

Overall, I'm really glad we went. Interesting people attend parades! We sat by a lady, who for the entire duration of the parade, called out congratulations or hellos to whoever passed her by. "Good job, runner" to each of the hundreds of marathon runners passing by us before and during the parade. There is simply no way to describe it as annoying and hilarious as it became as she was calling out to "Good job, horse people!" "Good job, parade walker" as the names of their titles or purpose weren't clear to her. We also sat right next to our old Chemistry instructor at BYU. Dr. Kucher! Jay and I both had him for Organic Chemistry and as he is one of 5-10 instructors I would even know by name or face, we said "hello". He, of course, didn't remember us, but it was fun to see his white flat top again. He's serving a mission at the Joseph Smith Memorial Building.

More importantly, going to the parade made the day feel festive. I love the history of the pioneers and the celebration of their arrival here in Salt Lake. Not only is this area flourishing and pulsing with life, but their foundations here have really spread worldwide.

Jay had the rest of the day off and we enjoyed a restaurant like Rodizio Grill called Grille from Impanena which is a Brazilian Steakhouse. Lots of meat. Jay was in heaven and declared it his new favorite restaurant. The rest of the day has been spent lounging, reading, and relaxing. And now I need to go get dinner going because the boys need to go to bed earlier than they are used to. It's a school night!

Book Review #10 - Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

I think most of you know how this ends by now so I'll just say that I think....

I wouldn't do that. Maybe I'll do a real review of it in a few weeks but it wouldn't be fair to disclose all my thoughts about something that is best read with the secrets still intact.

I really liked it. I think this entire series is great. I wish my boys could discover them when they turn eleven and then just read one per year as the content, language and plot all mature with the characters. But, mostly, I hope that they enjoy this wonderful world of imagination, magic and mystery as much as their old mom does.

Pity Party's Over

Blogger should have some sort of built-in safety feature that prevents overly emotional women from posting after 11:00 at night. Sorry 'bout that.

All is well. Nothing a goodnight's sleep and a sweet husband can't fix. I'm just moody. And for some reason, I feel compelled to share my more lame moments with the entire world. I really don't enjoy women like me who get all sorry for themselves with their perfectly nice lives. So I missed a camping trip. Boo hoo. Poor me had to sit in a nice air-conditioned home and watch T.V. on a soft leather couch. I know that's what some of you must have been dying to say. I know I do when I hear ridiculous much-ado's about nothing. I mean, I have made jokes about how I might vote for a change in the Relief Society Motto from Charity Never Faileth to Suck It Up, Sisters.

I appreciate your kindness, though. As much as I wish I could say differently, there will probably be another one of those in a few months. In the meantime, life is good.

My weekend was enjoyable. Seth was sick most of Saturday which had me feeling awfully grateful he was in a comfortable bed at home instead of miserable in a sleeping bag somewhere. Jay, Sam and Henry came home after lunch covered in dirt and mud and Seth was excited to have someone more entertaining than me around. That evening, I met Dana downtown for dinner at Red Rock Brewing Company, which was delicious. We had a really nice time talking and later went to watch Hairspray, which had both of us laughing and tapping our toes. It was very nice to be out with a friend.

Sunday, Clark and Stephanie came over for dinner. I thought I had mastered the Pot Roast, but added too much water this time and it was like it had been boiled for three hours instead of cooking. Very tough and rubbery. The rest of dinner was fine though and we had a good time playing Cranium with them later on. Sammy has taken a strong liking to his Uncle Clark and had a meltdown when it was time for bed - going on and on about how he's never going to see him again. I have NO idea where his drama comes from. Poor kid.

Today, we left bright and early to hike Ensign Peak. It's a short hike, but it's quite steep. We took the jogger because we don't have a backpack and it was definitely a bit like off-roading. I love hiking though and even though it's short and sweet, it put me in a great mood for the rest of the day.

The start. The pavement ends after a few hundred feet.

Overlooking the Salt Lake Valley

Seth

Sammy in front of the monument. We actually had it to ourselves for a few minutes before a large family reunion joined us at the top.

We let Henry walk when we got back down to the pavement. We finished the hike by doing a geocache that was hidden at the start of the trail. Henry was glad to be out of his three-wheel drive vehicle.

After the hike, we headed to the Church History Museum. Neither Jay or I had ever been there and it was incredible. Something we'll definitely have to go back to when we have more time on our parking meter or babysitters for the kids. They loved the children's area but we didn't go there until the very end. But just like anything the church does, it was very high quality.

Pretty much all Henry wanted to do was go from little chair to little chair. He loved them and thought he was pretty cute for being able to sit in them.

Seth working on a stained-glass window.

The boys drawing their own stained glass creations on vellum paper.

I started Harry Potter (must finish tonight!) and we sang Karaoke for FHE. We had the boys singing children's songs for their turns but when I broke out 100 years by Five for Fighting, Seth joined right in saying he "loved this song!" Not the most spiritual of evenings, but we got a lot of teaching in during our earlier two outings.

Tomorrow, we are going to brave the big parade. I am not a parade lover but I have never been to SLC's big 24th of July shindig. I'm kind of excited. jay is going to leave very early in the morning to save us some spots. I hope all the effort makes a nice memory for the boys. We got then pretty excited about pioneers today.

My Meantime

During a particular rough patch of my sophomore year of college, my well-meaning but extremely annoying returned missionary roommates sat me down in our apartment living room one day because they were worried about me. To show their concern, they pushed play on a CD player and out came a melodious tune about hope, faith, heartbreak and redemption. Something Michael McLeanish. I don't remember what song it was but I remember being appalled. Not. My. Style. Oh how times have changed.

I still don't own any Cherie Call or Hilary Weeks CDs (they aren't bad, they just aren't what I enjoy listening to) but, occasionally, I have been asked to sing some of that kind of music so I know a few songs. Several years ago, I was asked to sing a musical number for a stake relief society meeting called In The Meantime. When I was finished, many women in the room had tears in their eyes. I could understand why they might be there, but the song didn't speak to me then. Not the way it does today. I thought of it tonight and looked up its lyrics online. Here they are:

In the Meantime by Tyler Castleton

In her heart she holds the dreams
That she’s carried since the day she turned thirteen
Of all that she would be when she was grown
Of all that she would do when she was finally on her own

She dreamed she’d fly
And she’s still waiting for the chance to try

But in the meantime she’s a mother and a daughter and a wife
Doing all she can to stay above the daily grind
She wonders when she’ll ever have more meaning in her life
She doesn’t know she’s being molded and refined

In the meantime

Someday she’ll go back to school
When the carpools and the soccer games are through
‘cause deep inside she’s still the girl
Who’s always felt the fire to make a difference in the world

She dreams she’ll soar
When she finally has the time to do more

But in the meantime she’s a sister and a teacher and a friend
Hours turn into days that turn to years that never end
She wonders when she’ll ever really find herself again
But she’s becoming one on whom God can depend

In the meantime

Heaven feels the joy of every victory in her life
and heaven hears her heart before she cries
Somewhere in the middle of the triumphs and the trials
She’s becoming sanctified

But in the meantime she’s an answer and a blessing and a gift
To every empty, aching heart that only she can lift
She still wonders if she’ll ever get to see where heaven is
If she could only see her mansions waiting there
If she could only feel how much her Father cares
She would know she’s being perfectly prepared

In the meantime

Days like today are why songs like this are written. This whole day has been a let down and I admit to sitting here with tears. I look at those lyrics and I think to myself, "Someday...all of this drudgery is going to matter. Someday, I will realize that what I do counts." But it's hard today to think that.

Yesterday, Clark and Stephanie invited us to Stephanie's grandparent's cabin in the mountains tonight. I was so ready to do something that screams summertime fun. We were going to break out the games and cook on camp stoves and sleep in sleeping bags. But Seth had a relapse this morning. His fever came back and he fell asleep in my bed. I knew at that moment that camping was out for him. And me.

It made it hard to go happily about the rest of the day. It made me less than patient with Henry as I shopped for gluten-free food in a great store called Against the Grain but also a store with no shopping carts or a way to keep Henry from taking things off the shelves and putting them in his mouth. It made me curse Tyson's Boneless Skinless Chicken Breasts and Sam's Club for only having bags of chicken breasts that are injected with chicken broth which contains gluten. I had to get stuff for the rest of the family to have fun. Pack the food, pack the games....watch as they left. I feel immature for caring but, pardon me, my summer has been a drag. This was our last weekend before Seth starts school on Wednesday. Jay had an academic day today and we were going to get to leave early and I was so excited to just do something relaxing in the mountains.

This evening, Seth perked up a little, and I thought it'd be fun if I took him to Iggy's for dinner. Mistake. He was shivering the whole time and we were there for less than half and hour. I had our waitress bring boxes because he didn't touch his chicken and fries and I only ate half of my Philly sandwich and onion rings. But I left both boxes on the table. I remembered less than five minutes later and walked back but they had already thrown them away. Sigh.

I bought a book to read tonight knowing I'd be on my own once Seth was in bed but I wanted something a little more light-hearted so I thought I'd go to one of those Red-Boxes and see if I could find Music and Lyrics to rent or some other cute film(our netflix selections were clearly picked by Jay) but they were all horror films I've never even heard of. I ended up watching the Dog Whisperer with Seth on my lap.

Is this my meantime? Watching the Dog Whisperer by choice? I don't know if my home sickness has kicked in (Spokane - I miss you), if I'm in let down mode after a house full of guests or (Jen, I'm sorry I wasn't a better hostess) or if I'm just a selfish person who resents missing out on the party because I really don't know if I'm being molded and refined or just bludgeoned by middle age.

Five Things

Five Things I Was Doing Ten Years Ago:

1. Working as a secretary in the Snell building for the Technology Education and Construction Management programs at BYU.
2. Sweltering in our first married apartment with no air-conditioning south of campus.
3. Taking an EMT course in Spanish Fork
4. Watching the new hit Pretender over at Jon and Tara's cooler basement apartment.
5. Cooking way too much Hamburger Helper as part of my new wifely duties.

Five Things on my To-Do List Today

1. Put clean laundry away.
2. Get some Gluten-free bread for Jay.
3. Vacuum up a broken light bulb that Henry just broke.
4. Watch the results show for SYTYCD (it's a chore that must be done!)
5. Hang at least one picture on these blank white walls.

Five Snacks I Enjoy:

1. Raisins
2. Vanilla Wafers
3. A really cold orange.
4. A diet dr. pepper (does it count as a snack or just devil's water?)
5. Chips and Salsa

Five Songs I Know The Lyrics To:

(I'm the queen of making up my own lyrics...so don't test me on these)
1. Can't Help Lovin' Dat Man
2. O Holy Night
3. Be With You by Mr. Big
4. My Prerogative by Bobby Brown
5. I Will Always Love You by Whitney Houston

Five Things I'd Do If I Were A Millionaire:

1. Get a new camera - today - because I want a better one not because I need one.
2. Pay for a family cruise.
3. Invest more.
4. Have a weekly house cleaner.
5. Maybe get hair extensions. My hair is thin and it's hard to grow long. Is that too Paris Hilton like?

Five Bad Habits:

1. Leaving wet clothes in the washer.
2. Eating more than I should.
3. Picking at my toenails.
4. Writing but not sending thank-you notes because looking up that address seems like so much work.
5. Letting clutter pile up.

Five Things I'd Never Wear Again:

1. MC Hammer-like pants.
2. Leggings with a very long sweatshirt.
3. Jelly shoes.
4. Banana Clips
5. Neon Hard-Rock Cafe T-shirt

Five Things I Like To Do:

1. Read, read, read.
2. Eat out.
3. Sing with feeling!
4. Lay on a floatie on the lake.
5. Watch my kids play with each other.

Five Favorite Toys:

1. My Computer
2. My Ipod
3. My power doors on my minivan.
4. The DVR
5. A volleyball.

Five People I am Tagging:

1. My Family
2. My Real-Life friends
3. Fellow Bloggers
4. Lurkers without a blog but who could easily start one.
5. YOU!

Seth's Scare

I don't have the best history as a triage nurse. I don't like going to the ER unnecessarily and I don't want to be that mom who freaks out and wears out the health care system over a sniffle. I also have the added pressure of being married to a physician whose diagnostic skills and professional opinion I feel I have to either second guess or at least seek out before I can pass through the ER's automatic doors. I also feel like I usually have to make these decisions in the middle of the night, on the weekend (usually Sunday) or when company is around.

I referred to Seth being sick yesterday. In fact, when I signed off last, he was asleep in my bed. When I finished writing that post yesterday, Henry woke up and I went into our master closet (his bedroom) to get him. That's when I noticed Seth wasn't, in fact, sleeping but lying on my bed struggling to breathe with tears running down his cheeks. He had lost his voice and couldn't call out to me, didn't think to walk out to me and when I asked him if he could breathe, he shook his head "no".

I knew I should have found a pediatrician right away but the benefits lady was out of town, so while we knew we were covered, we didn't know exactly what our health insurance was. Not wanting to run up an un-authorized bill, but not wanting to wait any longer, I called Jay to see if he knew anything. He didn't and felt guilty about it and told me to just take him to the nearest ER. I put the boys in the van, called U of U to see if there were network hospitals nearer to me and they told me the same thing. I decided to take him to Jordan Valley Emergency Room and called Jay's brother, Clark, to see if he could meet me there and take Henry and Sam. He was there before I was.

The hospital was close but it was still stressful to drive. I kept watching Seth in the rear-view mirror and told him to give me the thumbs up or thumbs down if he could breathe. I was willing to run some red lights if I had to. I didn't and we arrived in less than 10 minutes. The triage nurse there didn't waste any time getting Seth in. He was visibly struggling for breath and his neck was straining and his chest retracting. His nostrils were flaring and he had a fever. He sounded a bit gunky when they listened to his chest and had a respiratory therapist come in right away. He made the decision that it was mostly an upper respiratory problem and put him on some kind of epinephrine dose and then steroids to reduce the inflammation. Basically, he got a nasty case of croup and his little trachea was so swollen that it was shutting off his airway. The swelling was below his vocal chords so he lost his voice too.

I have nothing but good things to say about Jordan Valley Hospital. The ER docs were outstanding, the techs helpful and knowledgeable and the nurses efficient and kind. Jay and Clark gave Seth and blessing and after a few hours, he felt dramatically better. He even wanted chili from Wendy's. We left the ER around 10:00 last night after getting the thumbs up and went to Wal-Mart to get a humidifier. I have GOT to find an alternative store. It just drives me crazy!

Seth is taking his doctor's orders very seriously. He slept elevated, took his second steroid dose this morning with no problem and is willing to rest when I ask him to. He is also completely better. Well, he still has some raspies, but his energy is up, his fever is gone and he's back to playing with his cousins, to the dismay of Jen (I think) who is now waiting for the infection to break out among her own kids.

What a wonderful, amazing thing medicine is. I know it gets a bad rap lately, and drugs are bad, and health care is uncaring and overpriced and we should all just use herbs and spinal alignment, but I am glad for our modern miracles. I am thankful there are medicines that could quickly reverse Seth's swollen airway and let him breath again.

All is well. Almost. My throat has a tickle.

Summertime Rut

I have been completely uninspired the last few days. I even wrote a long post a couple of days ago that I deleted because it wasn't what I wanted to say...I was just trying to post something....anything. But, it wasn't good and hopefully nobody got a glimpse. If you did...forgive me.

I've had a lot of thoughts. Even more feelings and mood swings the last couple of days. It's great having my sister and her kids here, but I don't have a backyard anymore and it really makes a difference. I didn't realize how much having that patch of grass saved our sanity. We're both going a bit batty, I fear, which isn't fun. Sometimes, I get so antsy to be out of this young child stage so that the real fun can begin. But I realize that isn't the right way to be. If anything, this is the real fun and I just need to embrace it. Henry has been sick since Sunday evening. I admit that he is kind of sickly and this is his third fever since we've moved here. He had a severe case of RSV and Pneumonia when he was four weeks old and has always had a weaker immune system (don't know which is the cause and effect though) I don't think this latest is anything serious. In fact, today, the fever is gone and only his whines remain, which I'm sure will die down tonight or tomorrow too. Seth picked up where he left off, though, and has a nasty cough, has completely lost his voice and is tired and feverish too. It's left me out of sorts a bit the last few days and wondering why my summer seems so much less fun than everyone else's.

I'll go back a bit. Church was good on Sunday. We all went together for the first time. Well, we had Jen and her kids too so people probably still didn't know who the new members of their ward actually are. Henry did great in nursery but Sammy had a very hard time going to Sunbeams. I actually had to go and sit with him during opening exercises, something I've never done before. I finally told him he was just fine and left and he ended up being exactly that - just fine.

We got callings. Jay and I are co-activity committee chairs. I don't really know why they want completely new people in charge and not just on the committee. Jay accuses me of being too darn friendly the week I went without him and I'm going to kind of agree with him. I think we'll be able to do it, and I've got the experience ( I was 8th grade dance committee chair. "Welcome to the Jungle" was a smashing success) but it's going to be a lot more work than either of us envisioned doing for being in a place only one year. We have to go to Ward Council and we have to have committee meetings and we have to....go...to all of the activities! I guess it'll be good for us. We'll meet lots of people and gain an appreciation of the activities we are always so critical of.

Monday and Tuesday...it's a blur. I know we tried to do some fun stuff on Monday. We went to a park and poor Owen (Jen's third boy) was completely traumatized by a nasty slide. There was some suspect material along the bottom of it that attracted flies. There was literally a veil of flies that he would have had to go through to get off the slide. He stopped himself and was screaming in terror and ended up finding the strength to walk/climb all the way back up to the top (it was a long, twisty tube slide). We were all disgusted after that and left. We went swimming later that day but by the end of the afternoon, Henry's illness really became apparent and the rest of the evening, I just kind of held him and gave him medicine when it was time to.

There is a 2 ft. wading pool for kids here. It's great because Henry can walk the length of it all by himself. He loves his independence. Unless I need him to actually use it.

This is the mineral sitz bath. It's not as hot as a hot tub but essentially the same thing.

Screaming when I wasn't holding him later that evening.

I feel bad for Jen. This surely isn't the kind of vacation she intended to have. I feel like a crummy hostess and a downer to be around. Yesterday, she got a break and spent the day with three of her old college roommates and their children. I held Henry on my lap and re-read Twilight because Jen brought it with her. It was even better the second time around. I am not a re-reader and especially not something I read only two months ago, but it was my coping mechanism. And it was better the second time around. I picked up several more details that I missed. My friend, Kristin, reviewed it on her blog and made a point about his "bronze-colored" hair. I didn't catch that at all the first time I read it. He definitely had black hair in my imagination. But bronze-hair he does have. The author makes quite a point about it being his distinguishing feature. See...that is when speed reading doesn't really help. So, every time I read that description, my mind had to make an abrupt shift in Edward's physical appearance.

Today, in another attempt to have fun, we drove down to Provo to visit BYU and buy some t-shirts and sweatshirts. We filled all their tummies first with a lunch stop at Brick Oven. Jenny made a comment about it a couple of days ago and her idea stuck.

The boys with their Aunt Sarah at Brick Oven. You wouldn't believe the kind of comments people make when you enter a place with this many young boys. I wouldn't think it would make a scene, especially here, but it still tends to.

After lunch, we drove up to the visitors center parking lot, the one that was always off limits but now is totally legal to use. I know there have been a lot of changes around campus but it was still so much the same. My brain always reminds me that the five years I spent there weren't my favorite but my heart tells me something completely different. I loved every step I took today. It's like going to my childhood home. Every path, every building, even parts of the lawn hold memories. Strong ones. I moved around so much that I think I entered campus from every possible angle during the time I was there and everywhere I turned, I remembered something. We haven't really been back much since we left for medical school nine years ago and it's weird to think that so much time has passed and we really are past that stage of our lives. It's like I blinked and went through a time warp. Everyone there looked so young. How is that possible if I am still supposed to look that age!? I don't want to be one of those nerdy alumni that I remember walking around campus, but I must have been because the moment my foot crossed the threshold, I started telling my kids about the wonders of the Wilk. I'm such a nerd.

Brother Brigham (henry screaming)

The new Gordon B. Hinckley Alumni and Visitor's Center (henry screaming)

The creamery in the Food Court and new BYU caps.

Five boys in their new BYU paraphernalia. We got season tickets to the football games this year and Seth and Sam needed some Cougar Blue to wear. The long blurry black thing is my camera strap. Sometimes, I'm such a rookie.

Seth started to go downhill fast and Henry hadn't been happy the entire time so we left after an ice cream treat and all three of my boys fell asleep on the drive home.

Henry screaming

Henry and Seth remain asleep and Sam is dying of boredom because there is "no one" to play with.

poor sick Seth

I'm dying of boredom reading this post! It just about put me to sleep. Maybe it'll get the juices flowing though.

Is anyone else going through a summertime rut? Am I the only one uninspired?????