If You Can't Say Something Nice....

All together now....."Don't say anything at all."

Words to live by.  Or are they?

Someone left a rude comment on one of my book reviews on Goodreads this morning.  As soon as the notification popped up on my iPhone, I grimaced because it's one of my reviews that occasionally motivates other readers to pick fights.  This only happens, I should add, on reviews of books I rate one or two stars.

Sure enough, I opened the link and some random person basically said I suck not only as a reviewer of books but also as a human being because I hated that particular book.  Worse, all she had to write was that she agreed with the previous two commenters because they had already said so.  Nice.

Very rarely do I respond although I have before and it is oddly unsatisfying.  Sort of like that late comeback that falls on absent ears.  Who knows if these commenters even get it?  I've never had anybody return for more of a tussle.  Did you have any idea that the world of book reviews could be so gansta?

I felt annoyed and bothered for a while.  Why do people feel the need to go out of their way to say something unkind?  It's not like I write a review with the purpose of persuading others to agree with me. I don't care.  Even if these people love this book - use it as their own personal bible or life coach - does attacking those of us with different views excuse, what I consider, bad behavior?

At first, my obvious answer was no.  Never!  It's not nice, especially when directed at me.  Then I started looking at my own behavior.

My review is pretty negative.  I was trying to make the point that I did not like this book so highlighted many features of the book, including plot, characters, and pace that I found flawed and dumb.  I feel like I am rarely at either polar end when reacting to a book I've read but if I can gush from time to time about something I loved, is it not more honest to rant should I feel so inclined?  Still, at a minimum, I was unkind to the author.

Of course, I'm as guilty as anybody to thinking someone who doesn't like a book I love is kind of an idiot.  Well...maybe not an idiot but definitely somebody who doesn't get it like I do.  But, I never, ever leave a comment either verbally or written telling them so.  Does that make me more kind or just less honest?

Just yesterday, while reading a different book, the author wrote in response to some unsolicited advice someone gave him, "Keep your opinions to yourself!"  I frequently think that.  But, where would be if everyone kept their own opinions?  Relegated to only studying math and science?

Years and years ago, in a long forgotten blogging era when comments were king, I left a less than kind comment on a blog written by someone I didn't know very well but whose post about someone's body felt mean spirited to me.  I said so, that person felt attacked, probably rightly so, and extinguished me from her world.  Putting the shoe on the other foot, as the saying goes, maybe I was that rude commenter who didn't need to say anything.  Just because someone's opinion is different from ours doesn't make them wrong.  I didn't like a book.  She didn't like someone's choice of clothing.  Should we keep our opinions to ourselves?  By the way, I would never leave a comment like that now.  As much as I once enjoyed the social and cultural product that stemmed from blogging, I now see it as something much more personal.

I honestly don't know what the right answer is concerning comments, opinions and sharing.  It seems a pretty boring world where none share opinions about anything but pleasant things.  Tell me what you think, but remember....if you can't say something nice....

Kidding.  I will try very hard not to take anything personally.

I hope this makes sense.  It was written in spurts over the course of a day.  I have tried editing it but am publishing it because I'm not writing for a fancy journal or a grade.  No judging!!!