Daniel - 6 Weeks

I keep thinking I’ll be able to limit myself to one cute picture per weekly update but then, I can’t decide which one is the cutest!  So, I include more because, I can.

You are my chunk-a-monkey!  I love how filled out you are.  You are becoming a bit more predictable with your sleeping, eating and pooping, but whatever schedule you decide upon usually changes after a few days so I never really know.  You still sleep in your carseat at night but the last two nights, it has been very difficult to get you to stay asleep.  It’s taken over two hours each night to crawl into bed before you wake up crying again.  That, sweet baby, makes for a tired momma.  Let’s work on this.

I can’t decide if you have reflux or not.  You are so mellow most of the time, eat and sleep well but you are more and more spitty.  At the end of every day, I have every intention of going off of dairy to see if it helps but then, slip up and promise to start again the next day.  Somedays, you seem totally fine.  Then, cranky and spitty.  Go figure.  I guess you’re a baby.

Seth and Sam first slept through the night at six weeks so I’m getting hopeful for a full night’s sleep here soon.

First Sunday Back

Back in the day, when I thought I’d have Daniel on the 10th of December, I bought some coordinating church outfits for all of the boys to wear on Christmas Sunday.  I even got a tie for Jay and a cardigan for me to complete the look, hoping for some priceless future picture.  Well, I wasn’t going to take a six day old to church so today was the first day Daniel wore his matching jumper.  I was asked to speak in Sacrament Meeting with the high counselor so the morning wasn’t as easy going and laid back as I imagined it would be for our timer shots.  These were the best we could do.

For our first Sunday back, I think we both did just fine.

Figuring it out.

The best we got.  I love this little family of mine.

Dear Sam,

Your Aunt Emily told me a funny story about something your cousins said when they were visiting Grandma and Grandpa this summer.  Connor, Ian and maybe Erin were looking at an old family picture that was hanging on the wall in the sewing room that  must have been taken around the time I was your age.  They called out, “Hey, it’s Sam! In a dress! With long hair!”

We’ve since gotten out my scrapbooks for further proof that you do, in fact, look like me when I was your age (only with short hair and glasses) and I see you smile when I call you my mini-me.  It’s a game we parents often play: which child looks like who or has which traits, and I like that you have some of mine.  We share the same large brown eyes and sandy hair.   But, sometimes, I recognize the stirrings in your soul as well.

You are a peacemaker.  Sure, you get as irritated with your brothers as they do with you, but for the most part, you want everyone to be happy and getting along.  I so get that.  I understand the stress you feel when you’ve disappointed someone or how badly it feels to be left out.  I know how hard you want to please everyone, putting your own wants and wishes aside to make someone else’s lot better.  I see the weight on your shoulders when your perfectionism gets too heavy to bear.

I’m not quite sure when you turned into the serious young man you are.  I have a vivid memory of you at only two and a half, leaping fearlessly off of the blown up waterside Aunt Jen had in her backyard during a family reunion.  Oh, you were still the sweet and helpful little boy then that you are now but you had a risk-taking, dare devil side that came out much more often.  I still see it occasionally, like this past summer when you led both your dad and older brother out onto a cliff at Lake Navajo and were the first to jump off.  Most of the time, however, you are a strict rule-abiding, helmet wearing, teeth brushing boy.  Whom I adore.

Your pants are almost all too short.  I need to buy you some that fit better but it’s hard to get excited about shopping for more track pants and t-shirts.  You refuse to wear jeans because they hurt your knees (????) and your track pants seem to have all been hemmed an inch or two overnight.  Your teeth are crooked and you’re starting to care.  I’m pretty sure you aren’t interested in girls but when I came into school the other day, I’m pretty sure some are interested in you.  I remember third grade.  Girls like boys.  Gross as that seems to you now, you will one day all too soon appreciate your innate charm.

You are crazy about sports.  Whenever I say I have never heard of whichever famous player you are talking about, in any sport, you say, “You’re killing me, Mom.”  Rare is the day when you aren’t playing with your football helmets or creating some kind of bracket/playoff game on paper.  Your dad says this oddity comes from him:-)  You are very athletic and enjoy sports, although this was a tough year for soccer.  I don’t know which you like more: playing the sport or playing with your friends and it wasn’t much fun to be put on a separate team from most of them.

Your teachers and coaches love you.  How could they not?  You are smart, diligent and kind. You work hard.  You respect their authority.  You have the tidiest desk I’ve ever seen.  I have no idea where you got that tidy gene as neither your dad or me seem to be naturally tidy.  But you are.  You like your things to have a place.  You always put your clothes where they belong.  You always do your homework right away and leave your folder out on the kitchen counter for me to sign.  You’ve even started making your own lunch so that I can sleep for a few more minutes in the morning.

If I’m making you sound perfect, I can’t help it.  Sometimes, I think that you are.  You certainly are my easiest child.  I think you know how much I enjoy your easy nature and worry that it puts more pressure on you to be a certain way.  I hope you know that I love you regardless of any mistakes or messes or moods.  I love you entirely.

Happy ninth birthday.  You are such a joy to know.  My life - our family - the world is better because of you.

Love,
Mom

Trying out a big 26” bike in the parking lot of the bike store.

Such a big bike, as big as mine, but you, huge nine year old, are big enough to get it!

Of course, you wanted one that a bit more oomph to the color.  So we got you a helmet to match.  Yellow is your favorite color, after all.

Nine candles on a pretty unimpressive pan of gluten-free brownies.

A sweet non-fighting moment with your brother

Not a gang sign but apparently what you do to make sure your wishes come true

You chose to go to a rock climbing wall for your birthday party because I didn’t want to have to do anything for it:)

You climbed for almost the entire time you were there.

One of your friends helping Henry.

Cute friends of yours.

And THIS is why I didn’t want it at our house.  Nine year olds are loud and busy.

Your funny side.  What you do when you get a hold of my iPhone.

Alien Sam.

Serious Sam.

Persevering Sam.

Athletic Sam.

Absolutely adorable Sam.

Real Vs. Imagined

Five Weeks Old

May 4th of last year was a monumental day for me.  It was the day I found out I was pregnant with Daniel.

April 30 was also a big day.  It was the day we purchased non-refundable all-season ski passes for the entire family.  

I’m a little embarrassed to admit that one of my very first thoughts upon seeing the positive indicator on the pregnancy test was, “Blast!  I just spent all of that money on a ski pass that I’m now not going to be able to use!”  

While in my miserable and selfish state of woe, skiing during the winter was only one of the many freedoms I imagined would be lost once I had the baby.  

Continue losing weight?  No way.  I’m a total emotional eater during pregnancy.   Plus, exercise would be limited to having a babysitter around or using a gym daycare.  

Travel easily?  With a travel crib, stroller, diaper bag, blankets, bottles, pacifiers etc. etc. etc....going anywhere is a packing challenge.  Not to mention, any chance of “making good time,” one of my coping mechanisms for driving long distances with my boys, would be shot.  

Going to movies, lunching with friends, sleeping through the night, camping for fun and not just to say I did it, reading, writing, keeping the house clean, volunteering...showering more than three times a week...all activities my mind just made significantly more difficult to do.  

And it wasn’t just the many altered “to-do”s that had me thinking, it was the “what if”s as well.

What if something is wrong with the baby?

What if I get even more stretch marks?

What if delivery is complicated?

What if the baby cries a lot?

What if I don’t bond with him?  

You see, I’d done this before.  All of the things I imagined would happen were my very real existence for eleven years.  Eleven wonderful years with Seth, Sam and Henry as adorable little needy people, but eleven years nonetheless.  Mentally and emotionally, I had moved past that stage with Henry starting school.  Now, I was going back, at first unwillingly, and I was worried about how I would handle the inevitable changes.    

The boys have gone skiing with Jay on Saturdays for the past three weeks.  I’ve stayed home with Daniel.  

I went to lunch with my friend, Lori, yesterday. I was a half hour late because Daniel needed to eat again before I left and once at the restaurant, I had to rock him in his carseat with my foot most of the time to keep him from fussing.

I went mall walking, ONCE, with my sister while she was here.  As I pushed the stroller and tried to keep up with her pace, I thought I was going to die.  Then, she pushed the stroller and I still couldn’t keep up.  

I have more stretch marks.

Daniel cries.  Quite a bit.  

Most of the things I imagined are now my reality and you know what?  I don’t mind.  Any of it.  

I have a baby.  But, not just a baby, I have Daniel.  I love him.  It’s kind of crazy because I don’t really even know him.  I don’t know if he’ll prefer apple juice over milk or if he’ll have an easy time with math or even if eyes are brown or blue (I think they’re blue!).  I can only imagine what he’ll be like as he grows up.  

I’ve learned, however, that whether what I imagine becomes a reality, or not, I’m going to love him anyway.  

Turns out, I’m actually a better person and mother than I thought!  Imagine that:)

I took pictures for his birth announcement yesterday.
These are some of the shots that I didn’t use on his announcement but are too cute not to use!

Daniel - 5 Weeks

The baby moon is over. Life has reared its needy and demanding head and shopping and groceries and school and scouts all needed my personal attention. Poor Daniel was in his carseat all day because I was either driving or running in and out of stores and I didn’t have a Baby Bjorn or other kind of carrier to put him in. So, he stayed buckled from about 10 am until 3pm and then again from 4:30 pm until 6:30pm, only getting a reprieve from the restraint when I nursed him. It’s no surprise, then, when I got home he quickly let me know how he felt about it.


I set him down and got out my camera.

 




 He immediately starts to move.

 



Look how big his hands are.

 




It looks like he’s smiling but he’s not.

 





Almost.

 




Getting unhappy.

 



 Would you get me out already or am I going to have to cry?


 

 O.K. then.

 

 I’m done.

 

Now.

 

 He’s actually having a good night. I never know what kind of day we’re going to have and last week had some real doozies. Yesterday and today, however, have been like gifts. Happy baby and lots of coos. It doesn’t get better than that.

A Foggy Message

As I took my shower this morning, I noticed a message materializing on my glass shower door as the heat made it fog over.  There, within the boundaries of a heart read, Jay “hearts” Lucy.

It might have been Jay who wrote it.  He’s been extraordinarily kind to me of late, disregarding my stretchy pants and oily hair as he loving looks at me feeding our baby yet again.  But, Jay’s not usually a write-on-the-door kind of guy so my suspicion lies elsewhere.

Sam and Henry both took a shower in my bathroom this morning to get ready for church.  They DO happen to be write/doodle/draw-on-the-door kind of kids.  Whether it was Jay, or Sam (the handwriting was a bit too legible to be Henry’s although he knows how to write both of our names) it still made my day.  Because, either my husband sent me a love note or my son knows that his father loves his mother.

That is definitely a win/win in my book.

Post edit:  Because I want to remember...it was Jay:)

I Get By With A Lot of Help From My Friends

Since Daniel's birth, I have barely been alone. My parents arrived nine days before he was born and stayed for a week afterward and those two weeks, though filled with impatience, fatigue and soreness, are also defined with calm and exhilaration because of their presence. While growing up in their household, neither my mom nor my dad were my "buddy." I had a pretty typical parent/child relationship with each that was characterized with the expected idolization, annoyance, respect and rebellion.

Now that it's been nearly twenty years since I've lived with them, those feelings still exist in relative doses but that shift away from a parent/child relationship to an adult/adult relationship has created a genuine friendship. I simply adore my parents as individuals. The fact that the perks that come from being their offspring still exist is an added bonus.

My mom spent her days being my personal shopper, errand runner, cook and baby holder.  Every time she visits, Jay suddenly has a slew of shirts he hasn’t seen in awhile as she gets all of my ironing done.  She also brought her sewing machine and sewed me burp cloths, receiving blankets and sewed patches on my boys scout shirts.

My dad fixed hotcakes for his grandsons every single morning, much to their spoiled delight.  He also kept the house in tip top shape by constantly sweeping and mopping the floors, doing the dishes, feeding the cats (I think they miss him) and removing every speck of mud from the garage floor daily.  All of that help and order allowed not only my body to heal, but my spirit as well. I want my children to always remember their time with my parents.

My friend, Amy, wrote a poignant post after the death of her father about the importance of photos with those we love. I've been spacey with my camera lately, but remembered on the last day to take a picture of each child with their grandparents, so that they can remember. I didn't take my own advice and get a picture of me with them, however. Still working on overcoming my aversion to seeing me on camera.


 

 Henry needed extra special attention after Daniel's birth and Grandpa's gentle and comfortable routine was just the thing he needed.

 

 Helping Henry be a part of our family home evening by showing him the scriptures on his new ereader.

 

 Grandma loves newborns.  Daniel is especially fun to snuggle with.

 

 Grandpa with his four grandsons.

 

 With Daniel on the morning they left

 

 Grandma and Grandpa with the gang.

 

 With Henry

 

 With Sam (who cried when they left)

 

 With Seth, who my dad jokes is going to soon be taller than everyone.
 

I love the post laugh smiles here.

After the new year, my sister, Jen, left her own family for an entire week to come and help me get back on my mom feet. Her arrival after a week on my own couldn't have come at a better time. Jen has a special ability to calm me with her order and unconditional love of my children. She has always been so good to my boys and she not only made her mark on Daniel's first days, but also helped to make Henry's birthday special. I love having her around - to talk to, to help me get out of the house, to lunch with. I especially love her cheerleading ways. I feel more confident about my decisions when I make them with her around.

I missed taking my camera with me when we went to the dump but it's practically a tradition to get rid of my junk and get organized when she visits. This time was no different and several closets, drawers and cabinets have the "Jen Touch." It just seems so much more possible to do it with her.

 

 She encouraged me to use my Verizon upgrade promotion to get an iphone. I love it so much more than I thought I would. I really love the camera apps.

 

 She brought several cute outfits for Daniel with her and encouraged me to take some pictures of him in his soft velour Robot outfit.

 

 He started being more expressive the week she was here.

 





Last but not least, I am blessed to have Jay's parents and brother’s family just down the road. I took three weeks off from going to church but needed to be at Young Women's last Sunday. Karen and Vaughn picked up the three older boys for church last week because Jay was on call at the hospital and then Karen returned after Sacrament Meeting so that I could go for the last hour and leave Daniel safely at home. I have started pumping and feeding Daniel a bottle every evening so that he'll be able to nurse and bottle feed and he hadn't liked the bottle very much. Of course, Karen's patient and gentle ways converted Daniel to the cause and he drank this bottle with ease. She is the epitome of calm.

 

 

I don't have pictures of Vaughn's help but he has happily fed Seth and Sam's steers in the evening when Jay is working late or on call.  It has been very nice to avoid loading Daniel into the car seat at night and trying to time dinner around this daily chore and I appreciate his help (Jay normally does this with the boys).

Patty, my incredible sister-in-law, was Daniel’s first babysitter.  I was in charge of the mutual activity last Wednesday night and even though I know my Young Women are eager to see and hold Daniel, I am more eager to keep him healthy through this winter.  Patty came and watched Sam, Henry and Daniel while I took Seth with me to the church as he had to meet with some merit badge counselors, one of them being Jay.  Should have been a stressful night with so many of going in different directions but Patty stepped in, fed my boys dinner and I felt assured while gone for three hours that my baby and older boys were in good hands.

Obviously, I am blessed with an extraordinary family. And that blessing is made more sweet by the fact that these beautiful people are also my friends.