I've always longed for a bosom buddy, kindred spirit, soul sister.
Lately, as I've had yet another opportunity to make new friends, I've worried that I'm more Mr. Wickham than Mr. Darcy.
"But those are both men," you might be thinking.
Yes. But if you look at my #29 on my 100 list - you will notice that I wrote, "I frequently think I should have been a man."
Masculine comparison explained, I return to Wickham and Darcy. I have the happy ability to make friends easily... just like a certain rogue named Wickham. If you'll remember the perfectly dry comment made by Mr. Darcy to Elizabeth Bennett when she explains the circumstances surrounding becoming acquaintances with Mr. Wickham, "Mr. Wickham is blessed with such happy manners as may ensure his making friends— whether he may be equally capable of retaining them, is less certain."
That could also describe me. I am blessed with many beautiful friends who I feel grateful for and appreciate. On the other hand, while I hopefully don't lose friends in the same manner as the two-faced Wickham, I seem to lose friends to distance, time, laziness (on my part) and a lack of a strong attachment. I admit that I crave the strong bond described in books and movies. You know...the friend that will drop everything to be at my side during my health crisis, or secretly conspire with my husband to throw me a surprise birthday party. Bosoms come in pairs, however, so reverse both of those statements and know that, likewise, I want to be that friend for someone else. Sincerely. I keep my altruistic bedside manner in check, however, because I figure some one's REAL bosom friend is asking them on the phone, "I didn't know you and Lucy were so close," to which the object of my affection replies, "I didn't either."
Chalk it up to childhood experiences, fear of rejection...whatever...but I don't ever, ever want to be that wannabe friend. The possible tragedy, however, is if that fear is keeping me from being and having a bosom buddy. Even worse, what if my soul sister is so like me that she's worrying about the same thing too??
Mr. Darcy struggled letting go of his pride and prejudice and suffered a solitary and misunderstood existence until he dared to do so. Then, as the perfect story goes, his reward was sweet and fulfilling. Maybe I should let go of my inner Wickham and start behaving more like Mr. Darcy.
A repentant Mr. Darcy, that is.
I'd add a picture but I still have eye gunk and no one needs to see that twice.
9 comments:
Just so long as you claim to be Lydia. That girl galls me. She and Wickham are a perfect match.
Lucy, you wax poetic, "bosoms come in pairs," only proves my point more. I am amazed at your ability to articulate your feelings.
Whoa! Nooooooo! I meant to say, "Just so long as you DON'T claim to be Lydia."
you are a amazing writer.. I always enjoy your post.
I like the new profile... your "oversharing" maybe my favorite quality... my favorite Lucy quote. "I'm a sharer. (something to the effect if you don't like that) sucks to be you."
I think I get the friendship thing in more redneck than Mr. Darcy terms. It is hard to find the person you click with... for me I need the easy and the comfortable... I don't do high maintenance very well.
Oh Lucy - I'm feeling like such a kindred spirit with you tonight. Your spt 22, Snapshot and this post - plus that little bit about oversharing (if you mean it in the sense that you tend to share more with others than you really should).
Of course, I've been pining for a bosom friend for quite some time now. I lost my last best friend, when I had my middle child - always difficult for me, the losing of a friend, because I hold to them so tenaciously, even when they cast me aside. Living here in the middle of nowhere, bound down by small children, hasn't helped.
Thank goodness for my computer and the blogosphere.
Chalk up another one for my creepy blog-stalker twins-with-Lucy list. I think I tend to have more casual friends rather than one or two bosom buddies. My dearest, longest-term friends are the ones who don't give up on me when I get overwhelmed or lazy or fail to follow up with them. I appreciate their patience an awful lot.
I definitely have the same longing. And from personal experience, I can say that it hurts pretty bad when you think you've found that soul sister only to find out you thought more the relationship than she.
But that doesn't change the need for a girlfriend.
I love meaningful relationships and will never understand why they don't happen more with woman. Perhaps we are afraid of getting to close and showing our weaknesses (kind of like mr. darcy). I don't know, I just know bosom buddies are a rare thing and maybe that's why when it's created it's such a fabulous part of life.
I like what tara said, it is hard to think you have found a great friendship only to learn you thought way more than they ever did.
ps I don't think you could ever be a wannabe friend.
I often wonder why this area has always been such a struggle for me (and so many other women it appears) as well. Even in high school I never really had that one bosom friend. I feel like I missed out on something, like I was short changed all those years ago and still haven't been able to settle accounts. You articulated this oh so well- as usual. Bosoms come in pairs...oh how I long to be and have that.
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