Friends and Facebook

I think I hate Facebook.

I waffle because it’s not altogether an evil site.  It’s been a good place to reconnect with some people.  It gave me quicker access to people than blogs and was certainly a faster way to express myself than writing on my blog but those status updates have never given me satisfaction for very long.

You see...I’m all about the details.  Even when they were too difficult to write.

Now that I’m feeling better and much, much more interested in others, I’m finding that I....hesitate...to even log onto my Facebook page.  As I examined the reasons for the hesitation I came to realize something.

I think I hate Facebook.

Today’s current count of Facebook friends for me is 276.  That seems like a lot, although I know people who have a much higher number than that.  I have no idea how often that number changes but what I do know is that I do not have 276 friends.

I rarely go seeking after more “friends” but I do usually accept friend requests, unless I don’t know the person or have already defended them once (No.  I STILL don’t want to see semi-nude pictures of you in a drunken state, thank you very much).    I suppose I’ve been defriended or blocked or whatever by others but I don’t know by whom as I may have hidden them anyway.  I have discovered that if Facebook were an actual party or reunion or whatever it’s trying to be, I would be a very rude guest/attendee.  Your daily workout routine?  I don’t care.  My eyes are glazing over.  Your forwarded/copy/pasted/generic declaration of loving God/family/country?  Tacky.  Can’t contain my eye roll.  I think these things deserve sincere individual thought.  Your never ending promotion of whatever it is you’re selling?  I’m going to walk away.  I know everyone’s got to eek out a living but it feels much like the vendors that perturb my chill on the beach in Mexico by asking me to buy their woven bracelets with my name personalized on it every ten seconds.  I’m here to relax, not buy stuff!

In my defense, it’s not that I wouldn’t be interested in any of those things should we be having a conversation or should I know the reasons or background story as to why any of those things matter to you.    If it’s a part of your life and, if we’re actually friends, I would probably be interested because I’m interested in you.  It’s the coldness of Facebook, its endless Groundhog Day-esque insipid and meaningless conversations with acquaintances - NOT friends, that’s got me heading towards retreat.  I miss connecting with people.  I miss caring about people.

That’s just on the receiving end.  I’m SURE I’m equally annoying on Facebook because if you’re active at all on there (and what’s the point if you’re not active?) your status updates are going to appear tedious to others who don’t know you well and don’t care that much.  I’ve been posting a lot about pregnancy and baby stuff lately and one of my high school friends jokingly (maybe) threatened to hide me because of it.  Not enough pictures of me holding bottles of alcohol with random people he wouldn't know to keep him entertained, I guess (Look at me being petty.  He’s a really good guy but, man, does he drink with friends a lot!  Or at least that’s what his life looks like on Facebook).  Mostly, I miss having the chance to express myself with more than one paragraph.

The other day, my best friend from high school and college sent me a package with a cute outfit for Daniel apologizing for not knowing I was pregnant until two weeks previously from one of my Facebook posts.  I felt shame.  I was her maid of honor.  She was mine.  I have 276 friends on Facebook and that number, that totally false and inflated number of friends, is partly to blame for my neglect.  Why in the world do I spend any time at all reading about someone who was in my married ward at BYU for one semester and not spend the time to call or write a girl who helped me become a grown up?  Shame!

I’m going to try harder.  I’m going to express myself more.  Be it through blogging or emailing or letter writing or even calling, which is not my go-to means of communicating, I’m going to be a better friend.  There are lots of good things about Facebook but it’s not a good place to be friends.  Acquaintances...yes.  Friends....no.  And I need friends.