Probably not what I did. Don't get me wrong, I don't wear a bracelet, necklace or tattoo to remind me, but I admit when I was in the middle of feeling mean, the phrase WWJD came to my mind. Then my heart sunk.
Let me back up. Last week, as you know, I was crazy busy getting the house ready to sell. It was also Seth's birthday but the weather didn't cooperate with my plans for a party at the park (seven year-old birthday parties and clean houses don't mix). Yesterday was the chosen day and six of Seth's good first grade buddies came to the park along with several of their siblings. The birthday boy wanted a "Sports" party so I thought we'd start with a game of basketball bump followed by a soccer game and 500 (football game).
Things didn't start well as the $10 worth of balloons whipped out of my van as soon as the doors opened and drifted off to somewhere in Idaho. Then some teenager moved my card table that I had set up so that he could eat his lunch on it over by his friends. I had to walk across the park, pick it up and walk it back to the pavilion while he and his friends laughed about being table-jacked. I don't really like teenagers. Then, while Seth was shooting hoops to reserve the basketball court (you can't actually reserve it - it's first come first serve), a super-suave dad comes with his kid and starts shooting with Seth. Then several other boys come and Seth is totally excited that he's part of this group of boys shooting baskets. I walk over and ask the dad if he had the court reserved or something and he replies that no, you can't reserve the court but they are having a basketball practice from 3:45 -4:45. I told him that my son's birthday party was starting at 4:00 and we needed the court for about fifteen minutes to play a game of bump. Never looking me in the eye, he told me that "well, you can't reserve the court" and started his practice. Seth was all ready to practice with them but unfortunately for him, his mom is a total wuss and retreated. I explained to him that maybe when the team was done practicing we could play bump. He was bummed and I was kicking myself for my lack of aggressiveness. But I was in such a foul mood that if I had spoken up, I don't know if I could have resisted calling him names and I'm not sure that would have been something that would have benefited Seth anyway.
Luckily, some other delinquent teenagers with nothing better to do after school but come to a kid park and make a menace of the place with their loitering and riff-rafness (after reading the rest of my post, I had to come back and acknowledge the irony of my feelings towards these kids), decided to stop playing on the other half of the basketball court. Seth's friends started to arrive and an impromptu game of basketball started. Right then, a neighborhood boy joined in their game without really asking or any rudeness. He simply wanted to play too and did so. I noticed him right away but he seemed harmless and not everyone had shown up yet so I didn't consider it the actual "party" yet.
The bump game didn't turn out well at all because only two of the kids could even shoot the basketball high enough to reach the rim. Bump was abandoned in favor of a simple scrimmage and our uninvited guest became a little bit rougher than the other kids. Seth got frustrated and came over and said,"I'm a little uncomfortable that there is a boy playing that I didn't even invite to my party but oh, well...I guess it doesn't matter" all while holding back tears. (this is classic Seth passive aggressiveness. I have NO idea where he gets it from)
I asked the other moms what I should do and they all looked at me with sympathy. Minutes later, a scuffle between the uninvited guest and one of Seth's friend forced me to say something to him. There was no malice involved, just roughness with the basketball but since he wasn't invited and he had no parent anywhere, I had to go up to him and explain that this was a birthday party and he needed to find something else to do.
He immediately shifted his body language into a defensive position - shoulders hunched, eyes on the ground and wouldn't talk. I put my arm around his shoulders and said I was sorry and asked if he was o.k. but he just stood still and ignored me. I had a feeling that he was overly familiar with being shooed away.
I'm sure if he would have run home and left immediately, my guilt at treating a child in such a manner would have felt like a band-aid getting ripped off, it stinks but it's over quickly. But no, he lingered. We moved to the soccer game and he sat and watched from the sidelines.
Watching from the sidelines
A lighter moment of the party
Seth's cake. Ease beat out frugality this time.
Sammy wasn't very smiley here. I wonder if it's because I've got a big butcher knife on him?
The legitimate invites.What would Jesus do? I think I've got a long way to go.
He's just a kid who probably needs a friend.
16 comments:
I'm totally teary reading this post. The picture of the little boy is so sweet. Birthday parties are such a tricky thing. It's hard to include everyone that your child knows, let alone a child that you don't know. I noticed that boy playing when I dropped off Emma's present and asssumed he had just joined in on the fun. I also noticed suave dad and that he was coaching several of JOnah's friends. I mean could he not take a break for a few minutes while you played the game?
This is really really a tough call. Of course, the ideal thing would be to include the boy who gets left out (probably by his parent's too). But the question is, "Is my son's birthday party really the time to teach this lesson?". I mean, do you want Seth to feel uncomfortable and sad during his special day? Of course not. It's so hard, but there would have been consequences either way. I'm sure it broke your heart to see that little boy feel sad, but your own little boy would have been sad too. So tough. In the wise words of my aunt Trudy, "Life sucks and then you die."
That really is a hard situation. I honestly don't know what I would have done. So no advice from me.
I never noticed the knife in hand until I read the caption. I would be a bit frightened too. hee hee.
Looks like the party overall was a big hit though. And if you have a LONG way to go. I really have a long way to go. I am not very good in situations like that.
Oh man, that is hard. Everyone has said everything I would have said. At least you were nice to the boy, arm around him and all and didn't snap at him.
Other people's kids in general bug me, but I'm better with teenagers than young children.
I thought the same thing about poor Sammy and the butcher knife before I read your caption. Funny stuff.
Ok that came out so bad. Not ALL other people's kids in general. I mean lurking, slacker, goofing off other peoples kids who are younger than teenagers.
I feel like I can tell it straight to a teenage punk and worry less about the emotional dammage than say a sitting on the sidlines child.
I'll stop now.
I really think you did the best you could in the situation. You did not yell at him or treat him rudely. Not a fun position to be in.
That cake looks yummy! Love the knife picture.
Oof. That just ripped my heart out. Poor kid! I totally feel ya. I can completely imagine my feelings were I in your place, and I would have been annoyed he joined in, worried that he was rough-housing, ticked at the parents that let him just run free at a public park with no supervision, and an underlying guilt through it all, knowing that he's just a kid and it's not his fault. He probably didn't even realize it was a party, and was just joining in playing with the neighborhood kids.
That's a tough one. I don't know what I would have done, either. Probably something passive aggressive, sadly.
Oh, and sorry about the balloons. They are just...Satan.
We are all naturally more protective of our own children so I think any mother would've ask him to leave, especially since he was bothering others.
And it's the mother in us that makes us sensitive to a left-out child. That is definitely a sticky situation but it looks like the party was a success regardless.
Okay, having to go retrieve the table? Hilarious!
Watching the balloons fly away? I would've been a little nauseas.
The dad? Jerk!
The little boy? Heart wrenching! I'm sorry you had to deal with that.
I'm glad Seth had a fun time with his friends!
Your blog is the whole reason I will never have a party at the park. I am such a control freak and need everything in my own little world contained - I would have totally whacked out.
I think you did the best you could under the circumstances.
Hope Seth enjoyed his special day!
oh wow. what a sad situation and i totally feel for you. it was seth's day so i think i would have done what you did, too. (i would also feel bad about it, as i think you do). dang. tough situation.
i had to laugh at the huge knife pic.
suave dad- oh yes, we have a ton of them 'round here and i could do without them. luckily i have 2 girls so i don't have to deal with them often.
Birthday parties stress me out. I hope Seth ended up having fun. We used to go to that park all of the time. I have never understood teenagers loitering at parks, or overly-aggresive coaches who think they are more important than everyone else.
Here is a ((BIG HUG)). To me, it feels like you need one. :)
I totally echo Rebecca's post...
I think you did the best you could in a tough situation. Don't dwell on it anymore. You are an awesome mother and a very kind person. I'm glad Seth had such a good party.
WOW I don't know what i would have done as well.
You are so sweet and a great mom to you kids
Great pictures :)
Oh man, that is a dilemna for sure. I don't know what I would have done given the same scenario?
Don't beat yourself up. Sounds like Seth had a fun party anyway!!
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