The Art of Conversation

Today, I heard three examples of what NOT to say in a conversation.

1.  While lunching with my boys at my favorite locally-sustainable-organic-fresh-mexican restaurant (believe me, they're proud of themselves so I'm just passing on the kudos), I couldn't help but overhear the conversation between the two women seated at the table next to us.  I say couldn't help because one of the women who dominated the conversation, nay monologued for the entirety of it, loudly started in on the Mormons.

This volume challenged woman didn't bash my religion exactly, but she bemoaned the change that happened to some mutual friend of theirs who used to be fun and Roman Catholic but then converted and married a Mormon girl, had a bunch of kids and became totally boring, as in, he no longer went out for drinks with her and when they passed through town and stopped to visit, declined all of her suggestions for activities because it happened to be Sunday.  I smiled until I noticed Sam intensely listening to this loud woman as well and then wondered if I should be worried as she went on and on about how obnoxious his children were and how she imagined they'd be better behaved, what with his wife staying home to raise them and all.

Then she started insulting Joe Mormon or Joe Smith or whoever that person was she didn't know anything about,  and I imagined myself having a Joseph F. Smith moment and declaring myself true blue, dyed in the wool through and through, but then she started talking about vaginal itching, still as loud as ever, and I decided that some people are just socially tacky.  Seriously.  I don't think I'm overly sensitive, but in today's day and age where tolerance is the cool catchphrase, few would ever so loudly trash Jews or Muslims or even Catholics.  For some reason, it is still o.k. to be publicly rude about Mormonism.  So, example number one is that it isn't graceful conversation to loudly put down a religious group in a public setting because you never know who you're sitting by.  Also, it should go without saying but, apparently, it needs to be said, it isn't o.k. to discuss vaginal discomfort.

2.  A friend of mine who also happens to be pregnant had a scary pre-term labor episode last night.  This woman was so kind to me in the early stages of my pregnancy when I was sad and angry and constantly sick and brought my family a meal, even though she was still in the throes of nausea and vomiting herself.  For the last few weeks, I have felt so much better that when I heard about her worrisome hospital visit, I insisted on repaying the favor and brought dinner over to her family tonight.  When I delivered the meal, my friend informed her husband standing near by that I was having another boy.  His response: "I am so, so sorry for you!"

You know...I get that with three boys, it seems obvious that I must have been hoping for a girl.  I admitted as much.  But, that absolutely doesn't mean that I am sorry I'm having a boy.  And it certainly doesn't mean that anyone else should be sorry that I'm having a boy.  I don't need, want, or appreciate sympathy from misguided people who don't have manners or filters.  Example number two:  when having conversations with pregnant women, don't have strong opinions about their future baby's gender, name, or really anything that has nothing at all to do with you.  And if you do have feelings either way, keep them to yourself.

3.  Tonight at mutual, we watched the LDS version of Pride and Prejudice.  The story line itself lacks most of the necessary nuance and feeling between Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth, which is kind of the point of the story, but it has some hilarious interpretation of the supporting characters.  My favorite was Collins, a very awkward, socially inept man seeking an engagement with just about anyone.  His proposal to Elizabeth, which included the line, "The Lord commanded us to be fruitful and multiply," might just be my favorite line of the movie.  Why more earnest young men don't include this in their own proposals is beyond me.  It's a keeper.  For real, example number is this: stay away from heralding commandments when trying to woo.  It ruins the mood.