Or for you uptown folks, you can enjoy the more subtle but moving rendition of The Road Not Taken from Frostiana.
Background music in place? O.K.
Last fall, while I was driving through Idaho on my way to visit my sister, I saw a couple out and about on their property on their four-wheelers. Not riding for pleasure, although they seemed happy enough, but more like they were getting a job done or seeing to things. The woman wore a simple white t-shirt with some silk screen design and jeans and the man wore something equally nondescript.
I imagined her going back home to start dinner. She'd wash her hands with dial soap, because who needs the fancy fruit smells and then she'd get out her old pots and pans to heat up some pork and beans with a side salad made of iceberg lettuce and ranch dressing. Later that evening, she would sit in a La-zy boy rocker while watching wheel of fortune and working on some sudoku puzzles.
"I could be that girl," I thought. Not, "I want to be that girl" or "I'm so glad I'm not that girl" but an acknowledgment of familiarity and comfort.
That image has come to my mind several times since then - how I could be that girl but I'm not. I've thought about how we are all made up of these different parts and we're all a little bit "something" and a little bit "something else."
I think I'm a little bit country. And a little bit hippie. And a little bit intellectual. And a little bit materialistic. And a little bit party animal. And a little bit recluse. And a little bit conformist. And a little bit non-conformist.
I could wear wool socks with hiking boots and a Patagonia vest and go au naturel. I could also easily zip up some snazzy black boots with a black wrap around dress, straighten my hair, apply some smoldering eye color onto my eyes and hob nob at a fund raiser.
I'll happily take my little bits and fit in everywhere and no where but the struggle emerges when it comes to choosing a place to live.
The last week, I've spent the better part of four days driving in and out of most of the possible neighborhoods in the community where we will be moving. I thought I'd find my fit. I thought whatever "little bit" meant most would step forward and become a "little bit more".
But that didn't happen. I entered one neighborhood with nice established houses and Subarus and SUVs all over the place and knew I could live there. I entered another with new houses with all the latest features and knew (well...more like wished) I could live there. I drove out to where the farmland was and saw the acres of open space and knew I could live there with a dog (outside) and a horse with a small barn that held our snowmobiles and boat. I drove past historic mansions that were built during the mining heyday of yesteryear and knew I could be the proud owner of one of the few. Other neighborhoods filled with windy streets and houses ready for a remodel would not be a stretch for me. Nor would the secluded house in the trees several miles up the canyon.
I thought I'd know more. Actually I do. But knowing more doesn't make it any clearer.
And just to thoroughly confuse your musical palate, will the real slim shady please stand up, please stand up, please stand up.
Please?
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Sing It, Donny and Marie
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21 comments:
wow. who knew donny and marie AND eminem could appear in one post AND make complete sense!?!?!
you have done it again, lucy!
And friend, i understand what you mean and i feel the same way a lot of the time.
actually, i think it is a good thing that you can feel comfortable in so many situations and see yourself living in many places-- now this doesn't help you decide, i suppose but i think it is an advantage in your search.
i have friends (ok maybe too strong of a word) who will only live __ and only wear ___ and only go out to these places__ and only consider driving a __ but I am thrilled that i can be more "fluid" if you will.
good luck, friend. it is a big decision to be sure.
I'm with you. I often think I could live several different lives and be perfectly content in each one. I can't wait to see where you end up. I see you in the country with your dog, horse and barn for your boat and snowmobiles. But maybe I'm projecting my own wishes on you.
You know, I really despise moving to new places and trying to find where I fit best.
I usually carve myself out a niche in a place where I am not comfortable.
Just cause I am a rebel like that... Chaka Khan I feel for you. Chaka Khan...Chaka Khan!...Chaka Khan I feel for you! :P
I thought I was the only one who while traveling would see someone and imagine a whole life and scenerio for them...it's a way to pass the miles. I often look at houses out in the middle of nowhere too and think "could I live there"? This must be a by-product of growing up before DVD players and actually have to use your imagination to entertain yourself on a road trip.
I too feel like there are many parts of me and I like to think I could fit in with many different groups and social statuses. I choose to believe that this makes me a well-rounded, non-snobby person. But sometimes I do wonder if I should be living in South Carolina...with a big ol' Southern accent...sipping lemonade on my veranda. I could easily be THAT girl. Hippie girl? um-no.
Good luck with the search. You'll do just fine.
I think you need to revisit the situation and maybe it will become more clear. Remember it was only the first time, with many more to come. I have full faith you guys will find something to fit your needs. Whether it be green house or neighborhood.
Our adventure begins in a few weeks. I am totally nervous.....(for the unexpected)
Wow. That is a difficult spot to be in...I can imagine it must be confusing. I know for myself that when we built our house, we picked a lot based mostly on price (low, LOL!) and we lucked into living on a street with mostly-kind people who usually get along. But I don't really feel like I fit in here, completely, but I also don't know that I'd fit in if I lived in the wealthier places of the world, either.
What I've decided is that you are who you are, and you will find happiness where ever you go---but it will definitely be a different brand, depending on where you end up. I hope you are able to find the best place for you!
If I had known you were driving by just then, I would have waved!
I prefer to keep it simple when it comes to "I could live here. Can I live here?" My secret? Move next door to your inlaws. It's highly {{not}} recommended! If you can live there, you can live anywhere!
Good luck!
I will soon be in the same boat as you. Which one, which one?! I hope you find the perfect home where you can express yourself in whatever way you want!
Cue the Aladdin theme music "A whole new world!"
It's what I love about moving all the time, all the possibilities! I envy you.
the next time you ask me to play Frostiana as background music, you better make sure i'ts loaded on your player... because I WAS LOOKING FOR IT!!
you can come live in my neighborhood. it's easier than you think, because it doesn't exist. well, except for in my own imagination where all of my neighbors are exactly. like. me.
i think i'm a little bit like you!
You probably COULD live anywhere. I say, just pick the one with the best school and best ward. Next time, I'm going to shop for those things first, and just find a house within the boundaries.
I totally relate to being able to fit in a lot of places. I am just as comfortable hanging out with the Beehives as I am with the wives from the HP group. I can happily go on a double date with my teenaged sister and her boyfriend or with Chad's gay co-worker and his partner.
Sometimes I wonder if that's because I fit in everywhere or because I fit in nowhere. But I know exactly where you're coming from. Either way, it makes the whole "where should we live" decision a little easier.
ahhh - the blessings of a free country where we have choices.
I think this is a gift that you are a little bit everything.
I know what you mean though. I am more like you (Jimmy not so much) so we landed here where he got a small amount of land and I don't live in an old farmhouse. I have neighbors but we can't hold hands through the windows.
Good luck with the decision. Of course, the decision is the hard part but it is nice to know that where ever you end up you will fit!
Wow, you guys are ready to commit to a job and a new home already?!
I know how you feel - I feel like a lot of little different parts too. (I use that excuse for all my indecision.)
I was just reading about Henry. Another time for mixed up feelings. I remember how emotional I was when Chad "passed" his speech test. It is horrible that a label has been officialy put on your child - but getting the help is worth it.
Chad still struggles with stuttering, but is not self-conscious at all - which was my main concern and is making improvements. Then there is my nephew, who we have all encouraged his parents to get him help and they haven't done a thing. He is now in Kindergarten but you still can't understand anything he is saying.
Hope all goes well with Henry. He's a smart and cute little kid - I'm sure he'll be talking in no time (and then you'll wonder why he has to talk so much!)
No matter where you end up I will always visit...and you will "blossom" if you will wherever the wind blows you!
I was such a migratory friend in school- very diverse groups and while with each one, I felt like I totally belonged. When we were looking for houses, it was the same feelings you are describing and I was so nervous to just pick one and go with it but I have never looked back! You are so awesome Lucy- you will excel wherever you end up!
Damn and Blast you are a good writer. Your train of thought here and bringing it all together with Donny and Marie - perfect.
Just tonight I went out to the country to pick up my daughter from a play date and I came home feeling a little bit country myself.
I get this. Maybe too much. I want to relate to this and then the complete opposite and if I pick one it feels wrong. Why do we have to pick? I like to be a strong member of the church, but still like punk rock and r rated books. And I like to be a good tree hugger and materialistic too, social and recluse. Although I can't confess that I feel a little bit country. :)
So... does this mean you're staying in Utah? I hope so....
Lucy I think at one time or another I've been there before, but not about a house. Where I live life doesn't change much from 20 miles to the next, but I have felt the pangs of decision take over my life. It's hard to know what you want when any given decision you make could be the right choice. Good luck to you. I am sure what ever you choose you will mold into that person you see and you will love her.
I really wish you were staying close. I will miss you my friend.
Ha! I thrive on your descriptions of personal angst...is that wrong?!
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