Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing

While I attended Four Georgians Elementary School, each grade had three teachers. It seemed with each grade, two of the three teachers were desirable teachers and one was undesirable. Before the school year started, the class lists would be posted on the front doors of the school. Many bike rides were taken between my house and the school in the weeks before school started to check for these lists. When the lists were up and the class determined, our fates were sealed. Up until fourth grade, I had been lucky in my placement. Mrs. Veroulis for first grade was easily the most likable. Miss Kottas for second (she was the young, fun one) and Mrs. Frankino for third. But in 1984, my luck ran out. I rode the mile to the school on my bicycle and there it was . . . my name underneath Mr. Murphy. Not only was I in Mr. Murphy's class but I didn't have a single friend from third grade in my class. I don't remember much of third grade. . . but I had friends and did well in school. I remember rocking all of my time tables and feeling confident in my academic abilities.

That all changed in fourth grade.

The first day of fourth grade before it all went downhill.

Mr. Murphy's classroom was set up with desks in rows. Each row had five desks and was separated by an aisle. Desk placement was earned with good behavior and the ultimate award was a front row desk. The kids in the front stayed there until they lost their spot and had to move to the back of the row. Somehow I ended up in the back of the row and stayed there the entire year. Oh, I moved up a seat from time to time but I always got in trouble for talking. Each of my quarter report cards has a big "N" for Avoids Unnecessary Talking. The "N" standing for Needs Improvement. It was the elementary equivalent of an "F" after S-, S, S+ and E. I hovered there in the back two seats the entire year. It's true that you start to bond with other riff raff when you are treated like one. I was friends in class with all of the trouble makers which is probably why I got all of those "N"s. But they were all boys so their friendship in class didn't continue past the doors at recess.

That's me in the multi colored shirt in the back row. New girl, Becky, is right by me.

Recess was so painful. At the beginning of the year, I clung onto my old 3rd grade friendships but soon those girls were best friends with the other girls in their class and each clique started systematically dumping me. That was the term for losing a person at recess. When you wanted them to go away, you "dumped" them. Then the rest of the group would usually link arms and walk away. I started hanging out with the adult recess aids. I remember linking arms with Mrs. Anderson. I thought she looked like Farrah Fawcett (which looking back, she was probably actually trying to). A new girl moved into my class, Becky, and I thought she was fabulous. We were friends for about a week when the other fourth grade girls also realized that she was fabulous so she joined their group.

I vividly recall thinking that I was flunking fourth grade and that I was going to be held back. Which is bizarre because beside that big, red "N", I had great grades. I don't really know why it was no one liked me. It could have been that mullet I was sporting but I'm fairly certain that was the look of the day.

Tell me I wasn't the only one with this look

What has stayed with me is how lonely it is to be left out and how easy it is to feel bad about other parts of your life when another is lacking. It has shaped how I act today. I've always had several different groups of friends. No laying all of my eggs in one basket for me! All through Jr. High and High School, I had these distinctly separate groups of friends that I would hover between. Some weekends I would hang out with my sports friends. Other weekends my MTI friends, or church friends or choir friends. It made it hard to really bond with any of them but because I wasn't exclusive, I insured against any dumping.

The glorious thing is my complete nerdiness was isolated to fourth grade. The first day of fifth grade, before class even started, Brenda Barraugh (one of the most popular girls in the entire school) played jacks with me. By recess, I was in like Flynn and it just went up from there. Sixth grade, my friend Lisa and I ruled the school. That might have been my social climax though.