Attitude

I fully realize that I'm going to be exposing my lameness here and I accept whatever fall from grace that follows. But I have to be honest with my thoughts - the good, the bad and the ugly.

Stake Conference Weekend. My calling alone makes this weekend harder than most. I wasn't ecstatic about the choir turnout. We ended up having 50 people participate (20 primary kids) but a lot of the stronger singers chose not to participate and the sound just wasn't there this time. I knew it going in and perhaps that contributed to my attitude throughout the weekend.

Yesterday was the adult session and I came home and just whined and complained to Jay (he had to stay home - Henry was throwing up and Sam was running to the bathroom every 10 minutes). I complained about the music (the Stake President actually said he didn't like the closing song I chose - Love At Home, the organ was....erratic), the heat in the building, the volume...you name it and I probably snarked about it. I apologized later on to Jay for being so negative in my report and he assured me that I was entitled to be bugged every once in a while.

This morning, Henry still had a fever so Jay once again stayed home with the kids. I felt very put upon that I couldn't take care of my family. Which is hilarious because most days, that is all I do and I feel "put upon" that that's all I ever get to do! After all, Jay is completely competent to take care of our children. But I admit to smiling when Sammy told me Dad babysat them.

We sang "Teach Me To Walk In The Light" as prelude and six of my singers weren't there yet. I already felt the choir was several cards short of a full deck and was so frustrated by their tardiness. I had visions of a severe rebuking and letting people know that while I'm pretty laid back with choir, they needed to show some personal responsibility to participate. Missing the first number was unacceptable to me and I avoided eye contact when they came. Conference started and the opening prayer was too long. "Does this guy think he's giving a talk or something?" I thought negatively. One of the speakers was a low talker. I was on the stand and I couldn't hear him. He was older so I felt a bit bad for him but after 10 minutes of struggling to put audible words here and there together into sentences, I was more frustrated than compassionate.

Then the Stake President spoke. He is a seminary teacher and his wife is having their twelfth child in 10 days. This guy is amazing. He knows his scriptures inside out and taught doctrine. He spoke on the parable in Matthew 5 on talents and how those talents are really the spiritual gifts we have been given. Not just talents like singing, organizing, etc but faith and revelation. When the master returns and discovers that one of his servants just buried the talent he had been given, rather than seeking ways to add to it, he chastised and condemned him. When the Stake President spoke on these things, I felt the spirit very strongly. My heart was completely softened and I felt happy and positive and motivated. He spoke of examples of people increasing their faith from our stake and how most of the time it was a direct result of being obedient to a commandment. He bore his testimony about Joseph Smith and I wished I had prepared myself to feel the way I did at that moment the entire weekend. What a change for the better. I shook hands with the choir members who missed the first song and told them how glad I was that they participated. Very sheepishly, they apologized for being late. I don't know what their circumstances were this morning and maybe they just did the best they could.

I drove home and listened to the Book of Mormon on CD when Nephi broke his bow and everyone was murmuring and complaining. Instead of joining in the laments, he made a new bow and fixed his situation.

I'm glad my attitude changed but I wonder if I had to wait for the Stake President's talk for it to happen. Could I have been like Nephi and just fixed it? What was the purpose of my whining? Did it help the situation? Lift anyone up? Hardly. I realize we can't always be "up" but the feelings I felt at the end of conference were much more desirable than the ones I'd been wallowing in previously. I came home and smiled at my kids, kissed my sick little baby and enjoyed the opportunity to be together. I know we can't always feel this way but I think our actions can affect our attitude. I'm thankful for a stake president who showed me a better way to be.

This was a game Jay was playing with Seth and Sammy this afternoon. They'd build a tower (stacking cups - Henry's birthday present) and then take turns blocking eachother from knocking it down. The looks on the boys' faces was priceless...pure joy.

Sammy tries to pass on the outside.

Working as a team to keep Dad from knocking it down.

Jay tries to surge

Crash....all falls down.