Ruining A Good Thing

I may have overreacted when missing Seth get off the bus after last Thursday's track meet.

We had been texting each other for an hour about his track meet so he obviously had his phone. I had also received a text only 5 minutes before they pulled into the parking lot of the middle school saying he was sorry Daniel was being so fussy after I texted him to hustle so that I could get Daniel out of his carseat and into bed. That is why when it seemed every single kid got off the bus and walked over to their parents' cars and there was no Seth, I was flabbergasted. Where was he?

I got on the now empty bus when the parking lot started to empty and told the bus driver that my child was not there. He informed me that they did make one stop earlier, about a 10 minute drive east of the middle school, to accommodate families that lived out there from having to drive all the way into the school. Even though I had never heard about that optional drop-off and Seth hadn't texted me in his last text that he had gotten off, my mind raced that maybe he thought he was making my life easier by getting off there instead. I called his phone. No answer. I called it again. No answer. I texted him. No response. The worst feeling spread throughout my inside. I screeched out of that parking lot like a mother possessed.

You see, earlier in the week, I noticed some odd behavior on my blog statcounter. Someone with an IP address in Riverton, Utah visited my blog. Normally, a Utah address wouldn't even get an eye bat but this particular visitor had like 80 hits in one hour. I followed the trail of hyperlinks to see what was so interesting to this visitor to not only visit but to click on picture after picture after picture.

They were all pictures of Seth.

I knew something was off but tried not to panic. Even though I don't know anyone in Riverton, Utah, I wondered if it might be an old friend of mine who knew Seth when he was younger and was interested in his growth and age progression. But, that didn't seem right. Why wouldn't someone like that leave a comment or click on other pictures, like ones which include me or any of the other kids?

The same visitor visited again the next evening and the behavior was the same. A long visit with lots of hits - 90% of them pictures of Seth. This was a week ago and I've been totally blog paralyzed. Some creep is stalking Seth.

I suppose that's where my mind led me on Thursday. I imagined him getting off a bus and someone either grabbing him or persuading him to get in a car. The day before, the local newspaper had an article about draining a lake in search of the body of a missing 13 year-old boy who disappeared last Thanksgiving and has never been found. In the dark, I raced 20 mph faster than the posted speed limit to get to that other drop-off, all the while redialing Seth's cell phone. Once, as I flew up the highway, my phone alerted me to a call from him. I answered and it was mute. We were connected but I got no response. I was screaming into the phone by this time, shouting, "WHERE ARE YOU?!" and "PLEASE SAY SOMETHING!" and Sam and Henry started to cry. I wish I could have acted more calmly for their scared little sakes but I felt terrified and couldn't deny it. Finally, about a minute before I arrived at where I hoped/wished/thought he might be, I got another call from him.

"Mom?"

"WHERE ARE YOU?!"

"I'm at the school waiting for you. Where are you?"

The rest of the conversation didn't go so well.

I was relieved but I was also freaked-out angry. Seth is nothing if not hyper sensitive to criticism and yelling and he shut down. Apparently, he got off the bus and went right into the school to change out of his track clothes and back into his school clothes. None of the other athletes did this so I have no idea why he so urgently needed to change without word or text to me and the way the bus had pulled up to the school and where I was parked, I did not see him do this. I imagine he was too busy changing to pick up any of my 20 calls or he had his phone on silent or...who knows. I was relieved. I am relieved. It is horrible to imagine the worst thing possible.

And I don't think I would have, at least not so immediately and emotionally, had Riverton, Utah not already put me on high alert. For this reason I say, "Riverton. You suck!"

Whoever this person is visited again two nights ago and did the same exact thing and I am done. I have no desire to post anything other than an angry wish that this person would show some sense and decency and either tell me who you are and why you find Seth so fascinating or go away. Far away. Either way, there will be no more open posts about any of my kids. There will be no more open posts of any kind. I'm making my blog private and maybe I'll blog again. But maybe not. I am really disturbed and angry.

My sister said it best when I told her about this. She said, "Wow. One person really can ruin a good thing." She's right. Blogging has been such a joy and "good thing" for me. I have made incredible friends. I have shared and thought and learned and become a better writer and created a personal history and I don't want to stop. But, now I do. Because a threat has ruined something I loved. I have no peace of mind anymore. I just can't imagine any reason that isn't creepy why one person would repeatedly visit a blog and peruse pictures of my 13 year-old son.

Thinking about the horrific events in Boston two weeks ago have made me flip/flop several times about this decision. On the one hand, I want to defy the personal terror. I won't let one disturbing person take away a hobby I enjoy! On the other hand, it is really dumb for me as a parent to ignore this. I do have that IP address, however and after seeing the swift and able detective work when it came to pictures and technology, I am warning you, creep, that you can be identified. So quit it. Be a better person.

If, perhaps, it is you who have been looking at pictures of Seth and you have a legitimate reason for doing so and you are embarrassed by my manifesto, please let me know. I will try to be reasonable.

For other readers of mine, I love you. I do. I am so glad you have visited my blog and let me share to an audience, which always made things more interesting for me. You can email me if you'd like to continue reading and I know and trust you or even if I don't know you but trust you. lucyhj4302@gmail.com

Riverton, Utah: You are not invited.

Adieu.