Sleep Over Tired

Growing up, sleeping over at a friend’s house was one of my favorite things to do.  From as early as second or third grade, I had sleepovers at my cousin’s house.  I know fifth and sixth grade were full of them, mostly attached to a birthday celebration, and they continued through high school. I have many fond memories of staying up too late, eating pizza out of the box and not at a table, drinking soda, watching movies, dancing, playing MASH and talking about boys.  I also have plenty of not so fond memories of watching totally inappropriate movies, playing a Ouiji board, trying to make each other faint and be “stiff as a board,” sneaking out to see boys, seeing pornography and other less than ideal situations.

I never thought about it much as a parent until a General Authority spoke about the topic a few years ago.  Due to us moving around frequently during Jay’s medical training, we never really faced the dilemma with Seth as he seemed to lack the close friends that would normally invoke an invitation during his younger years.  Although we had already made a decision as parents against sleepovers for any of our boys, listening to this conference talk reaffirmed our decision.  Since then, Seth has been invited to a few of his friends’ homes for sleepovers but we’ve politely declined without much argument from him.  Because he’s not very verbal, I’m not completely certain he doesn’t hate us for this protective parenting strategy but I rationalize that his childhood isn’t deprived because he gets the flavor of a sleepover when visiting with cousins yet in the parent approved environment of trusted family members.  Win/Win.

Sam, on the other hand, is much more social and verbal.  For years now, he’s been invited to spend the night with various friends and sometimes I feel like the only parent on the planet that says, “no.”  Even though he wishes he could, and says so, he is Mr. Obedient and hasn’t given us any real resistance.  Now, Henry is getting invitations.  I didn’t think it would be as hard as it has been to stick with our resolution.  Every explanation of, “We don’t do sleepovers,” feels like a judgment on those who do and...well...I kind of feel like a fuddy duddy.

Last year was our first year of enrollment at our elementary school and the year long reading program incentive was a sleepover celebration for those who completed all the levels.  While both Seth and Sam completed the challenge with ease, I thought it was weird to have a sleepover at the school and told the boys they could go and I would pick them up that night.  Neither chose to go.  I guess it was embarrassing or something to get picked up early.  I don’t know.

This year, Sam was surprised when I changed my tune.  I’m not sure when or exactly why I did, but it didn’t seem like a big deal to have him participate in the reading challenge sleepover event.  I know the teachers and the principle better as well as many more of the students and I thought, “It will be safe and fun and Sam will get to sleepover with his buddies for once without most of the dangers I hope to avoid.”   He was excited this entire past week in anticipation of Friday night’s activity.  When I dropped him off at the school and watched him greet his friends I wondered if, perhaps, we’ve sheltered him and our other children too much.  Sam is so confident and fun and I love watching him build friendships with these boys.  As they disappeared into the party, I was glad for him and made a mental note to revisit the issue with Jay and perhaps allow a sleepover here and there when our parent-dar deemed the situation safe.  Like running after ice-cream trucks, making snow angels and getting visits from the tooth fairy, sleepovers just seem like an essential part of childhood.

The weekend fallout hasn’t been pretty, however.  Sam had a soccer double header on Saturday.  The day’s temperature reached into the 80s and by the time I got home from the stake youth temple trip (my sister, Sarah, came to help me this weekend and had Sam and Henry all day) and got the day’s scoop, Sam was wasted.  Too tired to answer any questions.  Too tired to be nice.  Too tired to even eat.  He went to bed without dinner (not forced.  His choice) and slept solidly through the night.

I thought that would be the end of the sleep deprived hangover but he has been grumpy and tired today too.  I witnessed a curmudgeon-esque reply to his primary teacher in the halls after our meetings were over and he was the most impatient of all our boys when Jay and I had to meet with the bishop for a few minutes.  After linner (the name of the meal we eat at 3:00 on Sundays after church), he took an hour long nap and just wasn’t himself the entire evening.  I hope tomorrow is better.

So, I think I’m back to my original guns.  No sleepovers.  For all of my original reasons plus the grumpy robot figure that replaces my adorable child in the aftermath.  Still, that gleeful feeling of watching my son enjoy a moment of childhood remains fresh in my memory.  It makes it hard to completely commit.  I hope my awesome parenting skills are what they need to be to both protect my children and let them BE children.

What’s your stance?  No right or wrongs here, just experiences and choices, if you please.





Sleep tight, tired boy. And no more lip tomorrow!:)