Disclaimer: Written this afternoon after a poor night’s sleep and another unsuccessful attempt at bottle feeding. I’m a bit punchy and crabby right now.
There are these memes going around right now, mostly on Facebook, called “What I Actually Do.” Apparently, they are pervasive and getting annoying to some but I’ve only seen two: The Stay At Home Mom and the Mormons, and they seem quite funny to me.
Well...they did yesterday. This morning, as I began preparing the lesson I’m supposed to teach to these girls on Sunday, the “funny” reality at the end didn’t seem so funny. Only real. And annoying.
The introduction of lesson 7 begins with this:
Job survey
Ask each young woman to imagine that she has just been offered a job. As you read the following description of that job, have the young women raise their hands whenever a characteristic about the job appeals to them.
Job Description
You will accomplish something worthwhile that can affect the happiness of those around you.
You will help choose the working conditions and establish a pleasant atmosphere for others.
You will help control expenditures.
You will decide what work will be done, when it will be done, and how it will be done.
You will enjoy being around everyone in the entire organization and will have the opportunity to bless their lives and help them accomplish great things.
Can you guess what dreamy job this is? It’s homemaking! I almost gagged.
After an hour, an hour people, of trying to coax Daniel into drinking a bottle of perfectly good breast milk that I pumped for him this morning because my children have always taken a bottle because I NEED them to be able to take a bottle for my sanity, I finally gave up. I’ve been doing this everyday for five and a half weeks and why doesn’t he get it? I’m too tired to try anymore today. He screamed off and on last night from about 4 pm last night until 10:30 for who knows what reason (I ate pizza? Chocolate? Reflux? Tired? Constipated? Or just...colic?) and then he slept fitfully with me in the living room chair until 1 am. Then, I transferred him to his bed a.k.a carseat, where he slept until 4, then fed him again and tried for one more hour of sleep while he was in his swing but woke up at 5 when Jay left to feed the steers, then again at 6, when Sam and Henry came downstairs, then for good at 6:30 when I realized if I slept any later, they would miss the bus.
I lost my temper at Seth this morning who over filled his bowl of Tootie Frooties so that they spilled onto the floor...again. And then he left the milk out on the counter....again. And then Daniel woke up needing to be changed and fed. Again.
I made lunches.
I started a load of laundry. Then another one. Then another.
I cleaned up the breakfast dishes and started the dishwasher. Then, a few hours later, I got the kitchen dirty again making crockpot lasagna for tonight.
I unloaded the morning dishes and filled the dishwasher back up with spatulas, bowls and ladles. I wiped off the counters...again. I wished I had postponed vacuuming the floors because cheese and broken off lasagna noodles speckled the area around the stove but, so help me, they are going to stay there because I am not getting that hose out again.
I showered.
It’s not like this everyday but...yeah...it kind of is. Thankfully, most of the time, I manage to have a better attitude about it. And THAT’s what I want to teach these Young Women. That the glorification doesn’t come from running a comfortable home or the noble nature of mothering, but in choosing to do it, even when it is awful (and it is more often for some of us than others). Because our families need us to do it and our families are worth doing it for (I know that’s a bad sentence. There’s a lot of them today. Deal.)
I hate the Young Women’s manual. I know I shouldn’t say that and hate is probably too extreme a word, but it’s how I feel right now. I hate its prettification of the role of an LDS woman. It feels false. Our job is hard and sometimes ugly. It feels like Groundhog’s Day a lot of the time. There are lots of days I don’t do it very well and days when I feel unappreciated and not very patient or loving about it. I am not a feminist. I’m not. I don’t feel the need to prove to any man or woman that I have worth or that what I do is valuable in today's society. I know it is and that is enough for me. But, darn it all, I feel like a veritable Goria Steinem when reading some of these lessons.
I know I should be teaching the “What The Church Thinks I Do” lesson on Homemaking, but, today, I want to teach the “What I Actually Do” lesson. Hopefully, come Sunday, I’ll be inspired to teach whatever the Lord means for me to teach.
It’s probably the blasted lesson from the manual. This is why I should have a music calling.
Here’s the mormon one. We DO set up and take down a lot of chairs:)
7 comments:
Pleeeeeeeeease tell me you have found the supplement to the manual that is posted online that has all of the conference talk references to each lesson! I use those conference talks for lesson outlines.
Your Groundhog's Day comment made me smile. You're so right, sometimes it is so true.
That's the one part of babies that I do not miss -- the part where they don't sleep and you don't either.
My sympathy isn't going to do you any good, but you have it.
If you teach the girls your version of homemaking, you will be doing them a favor. Because you're right, it's not always great, and in fact it often stinks, and THAT is what makes it so important. You do it anyway, because it's important.
Too many girls have a rosy view of marriage and motherhood, and while it can be completely fantastic, and there is NO joy in this world like the joy of being a mom, it's still really hard. But it's worth it. That's what girls need to know.
Good on ya, Lucy. Fingers crossed that you get some sleep soon. That is the very hardest part (of the many very hard parts) of having a baby, imo. If you can sleep, you can handle all of the other stuff better. Good luck!
I do normally use the supplemental material found online. I actually normally ONLY use the supplemental material online. But, I always read through the lesson and this one’s introduction didn’t sit well today.
You are both right, I am just tired. I will have better thoughts tomorrow.
I detested the YW lessons when I was a YW. I remember thinking it was too much sugar and roses for reality. Now I've had a Primary calling since 1989, maybe I'm just not evolved enough for YW lessons.
Awesome... I love the pictures. The mom one especially hit home with me.
I'm glad you know about the online resources. I have heard they update the lessons to our decade.
I know this is a frustrating post/place for you but so refreshing for me. I can't tell you how much I love that you are real. It is the blogs that look like life is perfect all.the.time. and they frolic around the house in black and white that make me roll my eyes. Motherhood isn't always perfect but going to work everyday and having that life probably feels no less like "groundhog's day" to those doing that. Work, parenting, marriage... it all cycles. There are good days... and going through the motions days. I am shocked to hear young women say they don't want to be moms. (I don't think our generation said that?) I think that is where we need to be examples and remind them of their divine nature and teach them blessings of being a mom, not that motherhood is bliss.
Anyway, I'm rambling... mostly I just wanted to leave you a supportive comment. As a mom of a young woman I am grateful for the real, stable, faithful leaders... I'm prejudice against the young "perfect" don't have a clue yet kind...
Good luck on Sunday. I'm sure it will be great.
I have big issues with those manuals too. I taught every single lesson in every single manual (sometimes more than once) due to the MANY, many years I spent in YW.
I remember that exact lesson and remember very similar feelings. The Saturday before I was to give the lesson, we'd gone to the mall with our then two very young children and it was a nightmare! I remember thinking that motherhood was not fun in those moments and how was I going to teach a lesson that made it seem so? But then the next morning, I had a few tender moments with my kids that brought back that clarity that showed me that it really is the best job to have.
So when it came time for the lesson, I shared that exact experience with the girls and was honest about the MANY moments when being a mom/homemaker is not great. But that amid all those moments, there are the tender moments that make it all worthwhile. I, like you, think portraying it as nothing but all sorts of fabulousness is just false. It's hard, darn it!
Haley had to teach this lesson on Sunday and it was hard for her. I've talked so much during her life about how I think it is important that after she graduates she goes to school, lives on her own, has some adventures and figures out who she is. So it was hard for her to try to teach about feeling positive over marriage & motherhood because it makes her feel like to be a good mormon you have to get married as soon as possible. (And there is no denying that there IS that undercurrent.)
I honestly don't have fond feelings about the YW manual either. I think that teaching them about homemaking and being a wife and mother is missing the point. I think we need to teach them to be better versions of themselves RIGHT NOW, as teenagers and friends and daughters. Their value is not only connected to their future roles.
Of course there is joy to be found in motherhood and marriage. But I believe that Heavenly Father gave me hopes, dreams, ambitions and intelligence because he knew that those are not the ONLY things I can become. They are important and priceless. But (for me) they are not all I want.
I read your post to Haley and she loved it!
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