Going To Battle (and Hoping It's Worth It)

A few years ago, I went to a fireside given by some famous parents, the Eyres.  They had a lot of good advice about raising successful and happy kids but one thing Richard Eyre said that evening that has stood out in my memory was to pick your battles with your children very carefully and the ones you decide to fight, make sure you win.

Much advice was given about what matters and what doesn't in the grand scheme of things, and when all is said and done, most of the things parents choose to fight with their kids about don't matter nearly as much as we think they do.

I do not consider myself a tyrant. I let a messy room slide, rarely balk when I discover that one of my boys has helped himself to a snack (unless they eat it in their rooms or in the basement and then I go nutso) and make it a point not to over schedule them so they have plenty of time to play together as brothers and read at night.  They choose what to wear each day (even if it's the parks and rec game jersey....again (and because Jay was a basketball coach, we have four of them)), wear their hair they way they want it (they don't care) and in general, are a happy, agency-enjoying lot.

Some of the things I do insist on are:


Good grades.  Both Seth and Sam are exceptionally bright and they both know their father and I expect their grades to reflect their abilities.

Respect for others.  This includes being on time for things, following the rules, using good language and playing fairly with their peers.

Church attendance.  Luckily, this isn't something we've ever had to battle about.

Learning to play the piano.



Yup.  I'm that mom that won't let her kids quit the piano.  I've known too many individuals who either quit piano themselves when they reached the awkward I'm-not-good-yet-but-it's-getting-harder-and-less-fun-so-I'm-not-going-to-do-it-anymore stage or let their child quite when they got to the same stage. And they all seem sad about it.  Obviously, it's the kind of activity that is hard to stick with, which is why I've decided to take away the option.

I made it clear with Seth and Sam from the get-go that learning to play the piano well is a long-term goal. As soon as we were settled and found a teacher, they understood that this was something they were going to do until they graduated from high school. Like school, it was going to be a part of their lives in good times and in bad. They could thank me later.

I knew I'd need a stiff upper lip during the tumultuous middle school years, a period of life I like to call the dark ages and know from experience about needing to have a personal rage against the piano machine. Oh...I hated it. I wanted to quit so, so badly. And then, without fanfare or warning, it got fun again. I'm so grateful that my parents wouldn't let me quit. That being said, I never expected the battle with Seth to begin so early. He just started a little more than a year and a half ago and has so much natural talent and ability. He learned the beginner stuff quickly and eagerly but now he's reached "the stage."

His music is more challenging and not as much fun for him to play. His teacher is very talented as well as patient, and believes he can develop into a fine pianist. I know that too. He's got a math-understanding mind and the theory behind the intervals, chords and harmonies make sense to him. But, the songs he's been assigned lately take longer to learn and his technique and sight reading skills make the learning slow and hard.

So, that stiff upper lip? It's harder to keep than I thought it would be. I hate that he's miserable and I hate being the kind of mom that makes him do something that makes him miserable, but...I still think I'm right. I think it's important to stick with something, even if it's hard. Not everything. He doesn't have to stick with football or choir or origami folding or whatever he wants to try. (He has never folded origami. I was just trying to be inclusive). Just piano.

Today's lesson was better than most in recent memory.  He passed off Schumann's Merry Farmer (hallelujah!) and admitted to liking his spooky recital song.  It gave me a glimmer of hope.  But, I still know I'm going to have to wear the armor again tomorrow when its time to practice.  It's starting to get chinks.

Do you have a thing you fight for?  Is it the piano?  Is it a battle worth fighting for?