My Own Speech Therapy

When it comes to conflict, I am not a good communicator. Conversely, if I'm feeling particularly loving, or proud, or content with someone, I almost always express it with words. Much more so than with other forms of communication like touch or gifts or acts of service. My kids and my husband probably get sick of me telling them I love them. I do, and I tell them so frequently. Perhaps it makes some friends uncomfortable, but if I love them, I'll them them so. I'm gushy like that.

Not so when I'm unhappy, disappointed or frustrated. I am annoyingly silent. I cannot share how I feel. I feel actual pain and panic when asked to do so. I am broody and impatient until I am over it and maybe then (actually... really only then), can I use some past participles to explain what the problem was.

I find this inconsistency in my communication skills troublesome. I just finished reading a speech book where the author claims, "if your child isn't using words then he/she probably can't. Words are the best, most efficient way for them to get what they want or need and almost every child will choose words over gestures, grunts and tantrums when they are able."

Interesting. If this is true, when did I make the switch to being the type to give the silent treatment?

It's not like I mask my true feelings. I do all the grunting (hmmph), gestures (eye roll) and tantrums (just how loudly can I unload this dishwasher?). If I'm hurt or bugged, I can give a cold shoulder with the best of them.

To complicate matters, I am also a venter. Some poor third party usually gets a face full of steam when I need to find release. There are a few of you out there who have extremely open pores.

I'm not aiming to be confrontational. I do not admire people who willy-nilly say exactly how they feel whenever they feel it...etiquette, privacy and the feelings of the other person be damned. I see you at restaurants yelling at the waitress and I think you're mean. I listen to you bark at your husband like a child and I feel sorry for him. No, I do not want to be like you, even if you get everything off your chest immediately.

Instead, I'd like to be the kind of person who can calmly explain her grievances without being overly emotional. I've read about "I statements", and while they seem nerdy and bookish, there are those who swear they work. I can't imagine using them in the heat of the moment, though. So, when do I make the transition from silence to speech?

Normally, this is the time where I would explain my point by giving details. And, believe me, I have lots of details I could share. But, I need to do my homework for Speech 101 and practice using my words. The people I love deserve more than grunts and gestures.