My Word for 2011

I didn't do a word of the year last year.  Or the year before that.  In fact, I haven't been very successful with the whole "word of the year" idea.  That doesn't mean, however, that I'm not willing to try again.

I came across this quote from Spencer W. Kimball while preparing for the lesson I'm teaching tomorrow.  The lesson is about the Thirteenth Article of Faith, and tomorrow, when I use the quote, it will be used in that context, but I've been thinking about it all day and I thought, "That's the word I need."

You see, I am full of "know."  Not that I know all things.  I don't even know a few things.  But, I'm pretty content in "knowing."  Then, I read this:

The song, “I Am A Child of God” was first performed at a stake Primary conference in 1957. After hearing the performance, Elder Spencer W. Kimball asked the Primary general board, of which Randall (the composer) was a part, if the phrase "Teach me all that I must know / To live with him someday" could be changed to "Teach me all that I must do / To live with him someday."  As Kimball later explained, "To know isn't enough. The devils know and tremble; the devils know everything. We have to DO something."

The principle has applications at every level of my life.

I know that I shouldn't look at my phone while I drive but knowing doesn't keep me safe like turning my phone off does.

I know that I should eat a carrot instead of a cookie, but unless I actually eat that carrot, that knowledge gains me nothing.

I know that family scripture study and family prayer are tools that will make my family stronger, but until I consistently gather my family together to do these things, we miss out on that blessing.

If you asked, I could probably tell you how to stay organized (OHIO), how to be consistent with a workout (do it in the morning) and how to strengthen my testimony (regular temple attendance) but I don't DO any of them.  Right this moment, I feel a bit like trembling!

This is why I must change my "Know" to a "Do"  And this is the year to do it.

Granny Speaks

I was talking to my good friend, Andrea, this morning and blogging came up and all the reasons we do and do not post. I've been unusually silent the past few days, considering I haven't been out of the country, painting a room or recovering from surgery. I just haven't felt like it. I've been really blue, off and on, since Friday (Valentine's hangover perhaps?) and for some reason, thought I didn't want to post my "true" feelings.

But, then I realized this morning that I'm totally full of it because I'm all about the real and the true. In fact, it's my mantra, "Real! True! Real! True!" Add my word of the year, "Now" to the argument, and it's clear I should be posting now, in all my saddened glory.

It's not that I don't want anyone to know that I'm sad or that, in general, I hate my life right now for no apparent reason. Believe me, if you've called or happened to be at my house on Saturday night after my 52 oz soda spilled in the car followed by Henry vomiting in his car seat followed by some chocolate milk spilling on my carpet...you're quite aware of my feelings (sorry for the breakdown, Sarah). I used to use my blog as a primary venting tool. Blogs evolve, however, and I haven't used it quite so personally lately. At least in the negative sense. Don't want to be a downer, you know?

Yet, as my wise and blogging supportive friend told me, one of the reasons we blog is as a journal. That has been one of my strongest arguments for blogging since I started - that this is a record of me. And, unlike almost every other thing I do on any given day, it can't be undone. It can't be scribbled over with red crayon or torn in half by fascinatingly strong two year old hands.

So, future grandchildren, know this: Granny gets sad sometimes. She's dreading moving again, even though that move means she can finally grow some roots. She's dreading leaving new friends behind, and moving even further away from old ones. She's sad that she's not a better person, mother, friend, wife, sister, ward activity chair... sometimes (because most of the time I'm really happy with who I am but I've got this ward activity to plan with no ideas, no anything....and it just. won't. go. away!). She wishes she could simply be alone for awhile at the same time feeling incredibly lonely and wishing for a reunion with family or friends. In a nutshell, Granny is a contradiction.

Yes, for the record, I am a big, sad contradiction.

Look What Now Got Me Into

I love comments. I really do. Not the number, really, although any feedback is nice, but the ideas and validation are what really keep me coming back for more.

A few of yesterday's comments created today's post.

Barb replied: "I have decided the no-extra-charge classes at my gym are the solution. Avoidance of public humiliation pushes me harder in those classes than when I'm on the elliptical."

Melanie concurred: "I agree though, I didn't push myself nearly as hard when I worked out on my own. But like Barb, I did push myself in all the kick boxing classes. I didn't want to look like a wimp in there, ha!"

Carlo mentioned it: " i had a few months to get up to speed and then i jumped into the group classes"

Amber dittoed: "I ditto the class suggestion. I work so much harder in a class and at least at the gym I used to belong to they were 'free' with your membership."

I've been setting weekly fitness goals as a result of my word for the year - Now. One of the goals was to attend a class at the gym. I think it's been over five years since I've attended one and once you're out of the system, it's quite intimidating to jump back in.

My intimidation has several sources. First and foremost, the exact point of the group class. I actually have to work out in front of others. This includes breathing (who wants to be the hardest breather in a group?), learning some sort of routine, finding a discreet location that minimizes the number of people who have to witness the adjusting of my underwear and the usual requirement to respond to a teacher's insistence on yelling something out loud during the work-out.

Most of these intimidations are new. When you're in shape, you're not worried about keeping up. You know you can out kick, out step, out lift your neighbor. And you certainly don't worry about being the only one to stay with the "level one" move while everyone else bumps it up a notch to "level two". Underwear fit better and, of course you yell. Isn't that the point? Boo-ya!

In spite of of these reasons, and many others, my word took me to a class Tuesday night. A class called BodyCombat. Yes, it was exactly that class.

There were two instructors. Both young and nubile, both wearing fingerless gloves that made them look legitimate and tough and both requiring me to yell things throughout the workout that made me giggle. I'm not sure how to type out the "woot woot"s and "hu!" with each kick and punch. But imagine the sounds coming from the gut and in some imitation of a martial arts movie.

It was a good workout but bouncy! All the shuffling and pretend jump roping and high kicks really got me moving - and not always in a good way. The routines invariably stumped me. Me - a girl who used to learn the fly girl routines on In Living Color - could not come up with a jab-jab-jab-jab-two count hook-two count uppercut-leg pump reach-legpump reach-jumpkick-land (pause)-shuffle-shuffle-shuffle. Not once. I was never on the right leg when it came time to jumpkick and then shuffled the wrong way. Every time.

Whenever I looked in the mirror, I felt aghast that this uncoordinated looking woman, who was all elbows and bounce, was me. When did I lose my ability to remember an eight step routine?

I know I should go back. Face my demons and the ladies in gloves once more. I might even get the jumpkick this time. Better yet, I might try "level" two.

Just wanted you to know. I'm out there "now"ing.

My Word for 2008 - Now

I don't know if this is THE word, but it's the one that keeps sticking.

Ironically, the two words bouncing around my brain all week have been "patience" and "now".

I don't think I'm an impatient woman. But, there has been an electric current going through me lately that wants a fast forward button- to speed up time and be beyond all of this discomfort.

The discomfort of wondering if our family is complete or not. The discomfort of giving up the things I love to do because they are physically hard or the discomfort if I choose the alternative. The discomfort of knowing in the long run we will be more than comfortable if we continue to be smart and patient, but feeling jealous and immature all the same when I see others getting it now.

Here I am, on the cusp of the rest of my middle-aged life.

Do I focus on patience? For change. For possession.

or now? Which, ultimately...is all I really have.

The best time to go to the temple? Now.

The best time to mail that package? Now.

The best time to go to the gym? Now.

The best time to get my visiting teaching done? Now.

The best time to apologize? Now.

The best time to wake up? Now.

The best time to call a sister? Now.

The best time to reach out to others? Now.

The best time to enjoy my children? Now.

The best time to strengthen my marriage? Now.

The best time to get rid of my bad habits? Now.

The best time to become the person I know is inside me? Now!!

This will be a struggle for someone who can always rearrange a schedule to avoid getting up uncomfortably early, to go to the post office (tomorrow? next week? never?) or to finish a book. Someone who can justify putting things off...and off... and off until the relevancy of the thing is gone.

But the point isn't to do things the same. The point is to do things better.

Get ready....here's me pushing the publish button.................now.