Highs and Lows

I've mentioned to some that I had an opportunity to go to a very cool fireside last night. It was a parenting class given by Richard and Linda Eyre with a talk by M. Russell Ballard. Tickets were handed out during church per couple, but then they told us they were per person and...sorry. So only I went. Jay argued that I needed the class more, but that's debatable.

Now, let me just say that I don't think we're bad parents and in dire need of instruction. We certainly aren't perfect but I would say that, generally, we are doing an o.k. job. They're well fed, get plenty of sleep, aren't spoiled, protected from most harm, getting an education and receive ample amounts of love and hugs and kisses. Of course, there is always room for improvement.

For instance, on Saturday, we headed out to a bowling alley for some clean family fun. It was Seth's idea and sounded harmless, other than our usual dilemma of what to do with Henry in public. We arrive, don the appropriate footwear, arrange for bumpers to rise magically from the floor when it was our younglings' turns and fill our ball return with a wide variety of weighted balls.

We paid in advance for two games. You'd think that would earn us some extra points from the best-parents-in-the-world bank but instead it was a serious tactical error. Seth started with some pretty good bowls. Maybe it was luck, maybe the six pound ball got the best of him, but after about 8 rounds of the first game, his play went downhill. He ball seemed to follow the bumper down and he'd knock out 1 or 2 pins. The second ball often followed the first trajectory and whiffed by the other untouched pins. He didn't win either of the games (although he legitimately beat me in game one) and while we try to teach good sportsmanship and how to enjoy the game and not just the winning, he still thinks the only real reason to do anything is to win. By the middle of game two, Jay and I were treated to frequent comments like, "I'm the worst bowler in the world." and "I'm never going to be a good bowler." That is our Seth. If you know him, you know what I'm talking about. He's super competitive and super hard on himself. He got the perfectionist gene and if it wasn't a strike (and he luckily got a couple of them) then it was terrible. He constantly gets me in trouble from teachers because I'm sure they think he hears it at home.

The camera came out during the earlier, happier times.
Seth is still all smiles.

This would have taken place immediately after one of his lucky strikes. He liked to run around screaming, "Oh, yeah! Oh yeah!"

Sammy, on the other hand, wasn't very interested in the actual sport of bowling, but wanted to run back quickly, the instant that ball was out of his hand, to see what cartoon sequence they'd put on the screen after the pins went down. There was actually no hurry as his ball usually only travelled 2 mph down the lane. One time, in an attempt to help his ball make its way to the pins with a little more oomph, I went with him and stood behind him with my hands on the ball as well. Of course I pushed when he wasn't ready and he ran down the waxy lane to get his ball back. He fell hard and his arm still hurts from his fall. Strike two! Are we having fun yet?

Getting ready for his turn

It looks like it might get some speed....but no.

Henry, bless his heart, did fairly well during game one. He took a few turns which only made him hungry for more.

He didn't actually carry his ball over. But he would have liked to try.

Watching it go.

If we put him down, he walked over to try to pull ten pound balls off the rack or over to another group's lane. Jay and I took turns following him around, staying with him in the arcade where he could turn the steering wheel to one of those driving games and holding him on our laps.

This really is what Henry looks like, a lot of the time. Can you hear him?
"Grunt"

Towards the end of the second game, all three boys were in the arcade instead of watching the bowling. Jay was going for a turkey (he was having a fabulous time and bowled his best game ever) and I sort of snapped at everyone to "Get back over there! We paid for you to bowl not play video games! This is the last time we're going bowling for a long time!" Then came the tears. Success!

I was ready to go to the parenting class.

It was fantastic. Really. Funny, interesting, spiritual, and very helpful. I came away with some great ideas. But better than that, I came home with a renewed sense of purpose. I was going to be a better mom! I had a completely new perspective!

Some of my favorite things said were:

• We are all free agents. Our children too. 2 NE 2:27 it says:
• Wherefore, men are ^afree according to the ^bflesh; and ^call things are ^dgiven them which are expedient unto man. And they are free to ^echoose ^fliberty and eternal ^glife, through the great Mediator of all men, or to choose captivity and death, according to the captivity and power of the devil; for he seeketh that all men might be ^hmiserable like unto himself.
  
• The point is, our children need magnificent leaders and teachers. Us.
  
• Live from good moment to good moment. It'll get you through the rough patches.
• You will not ever lose a child until and unless you give up. There is a promise that eventually, reconciliation will come.
  
• A difficult child is a compliment to you from God. Let's not judge each other.
• One of the BEST things you can do as parents is to share how tough it is with others.
  

They talked us through their four hints that are universally applicable to all families. They are:

1. You need family laws with clear and reasonable consequences.
   
2. You need to teach responsibility by having a family economy.
3. You need to create stability and reassurance with family traditions.
4. You need to realize you can't do it alone. You will need help from the outside.

They had lots of examples and stories for each point and I left feeling better and ready to try and be a better mother. My absolute favorite story was told by Richard Eyre about a time when his children were younger and he was trying to prepare for a big meeting at the white house on family values. He was nervous about the next day and needed a good night's sleep, but their baby at the time was fussing during the night. He got up to try and get him to fall asleep, but the baby just wasn't settling down fast enough. He told us how irritated he was at this, "annoying little noisemaker" when it dawned on him that this little person was really just his brother. The baby's eternal, spiritual soul wasn't that of a baby and he, Richard, just happened to get to come to earth 40 years before him. He said, "If he had happened to come 40 years before, and was holding me because I was small and cranky, I'd want him to lighten up! Be nice!"

I loved that. Henry, my biggest challenge right now, is often an annoying little noisemaker. Or an annoying little mess maker. I find this age extremely challenging because I don't think he GETS it...so its hard to reason with him and its hard to stay patient with him too. But, maybe...it will be easier if I think of him as my cool brother who is going to laugh with me someday about all the places he hid the toothbrushes in our house.

Getting caught going for the toothbrushes.

Then he turns on the charm...

You'd think today, I would still be riding high from last night's boost. That's what I thought. But my kids didn't know that today was going to be a special, perfect day and in typical fashion, by four o'clock, all of my kids were crying about something. Seth, because I took him out of school too early (I went in to help with their nacho party...it was a half hour before school got out and his teacher let me leave with him early so that I wouldn't have to come back and fight the madness. But...he missed the critical Heads Up/7 up game. I don't know when I'll be forgiven) and now he was bored, Sammy because he "didn't get to do anything fun that day" which roughly translates into not seeing his cousin, Matt (because apparently going to the library to read and check out books and to a park to play and to Target to choose a dollar prize and going to Seth's Nacho party and consuming a full plate of Velveeta goodness is not fun at all). Henry...well....you get the idea.

Why is this so hard? I'm going to follow the Eyre's wise counsel and just say, "It's tough!"

Do we all feel better now?