Overwhelmed

I have so much to do. When life gets like this I almost shut down. Instead of checking things off of the list, I feel depressed and incapable. Ugh. My house is a disaster. I bought a new dresser for my room but don't want to put it up until I can paint. In order to paint, I needed to move the table, my scrapbook stuff, Jay's radiology stuff and just stuff in general. For those who know my room, you know what I mean. Before I could move the scrapbook stuff, I had to organize and make space in the spareroom's closet. Now there is a pile of stuff from that closet to sell/give away that I have to figure out what to do with. I needed to make room in the bookshelf downstairs for ALL of Jay's Radiology Books and so had to pack up a bunch of other books that I don't want to throw away. Yearbooks, church education stuff..... Once I got the table down I needed to make room in the crawl space for it. Found some peaches I had canned awhile back and needed to make room in my pantry for those jars. In the crawl space I found more stuff that I need to sell/give away so got that out. Also got out my body pillow, old swing and diaper genie to take to Other Mothers (consignment/trade shop) and those are now in my living room.

The thing is. . .when I have a day like this all of the other, normal chores get ignored. So now my kitchen is a mess, and all of the other rooms from the boys playing. Jay is on call tonight and I just want to read a book and go to bed. My brother's family is coming tomorrow to stay on their way to Montana and so I need to get this cleaned up before tomorrow evening. I honestly don't know what to start with tomorrow. I need to get to the library to pick up books that are on hold or they get reshelved tomorrow and go grocery shopping.

I am so tired of my house being ugly. There are so many projects to do: the floor and stairs, the railing, the entry way window coverings, the painting, the baseboards, the light switches and outlet covers, the lawn and lava rocks, the bathroom, the dressers put together, the foyer light, etc. etc. I know everyone has projects like this and that's life but it's just starting to pile up. Jay will read this and feel bad. Whenever I get like this he takes it personal and feels like I'm unhappy with him but that's so not true. He's working like a dog -- hardly gets a day off anymore moonlighting to pay for all of this. In fact, I'm the one who feels guilty. I should possess these skills. I'm a terrible painter. Reading instruction manuals or any technical writing is not my forte. Isn't this what I'm supposed to love? Homemaking?? I would so much rather have HGTV come and take over. Especially Candace from Divine Design. I love her. And Chico.

But it's so much more than just the big projects. It's the organization and little things like changing lightbulbs, cleaning the leather furniture (it's all been spit up on thanks to Henry's immature gasoesophageal sphincter), cleaning out the cupboard under my bathroom sink because I can't stuff anything else in there. Everywhere I look there is something that needs done.

That hymn comes to mind - "Put Your Shoulder To The Wheel." With a heart full of song? How is that supposed to happen?