A Trial Separation

Dear Winter,

I've always defended you against your opponents. Always said you were something I couldn't live without. With you, a cup of hot chocolate tastes sweeter. With you, a movie date on the couch with a down throw is much more romantic. With you, the mountains become playgrounds and you give the cold credibility.

But lately, you've been hovering. You're always around...always, and I can't get anything done. I wake up and there's no reason to get going. There's no where to go - no where to be. Your constant presence has started to suck the life out of me and I'm not fun or motivated anymore.

At first, you were so good with my kids. They got to build a snowman and go sledding and you even helped build a cool fort. But my boys are still little and you aren't the easiest playmate. In fact, you don't help me at all. If I try to make them to play with you, it creates that much more work for me. So, they ignore you and stay inside and make more messes and more noise. You really only make my day harder.

Please don't panic. I don't think you're horrible and still recognize the many positive qualities you possess. But I'm tired of my car being dirty and and I'm tired of wet socks and I'm really, really tired of my frizzy hair, my pale skin and sweaters that need a special cycle on the wash.

Please leave. I'm begging you. I cried three times yesterday and I think it's your fault. We need a break.

I'm not saying I want you gone forever. I know I still love you...deep down. But I think some time apart will give me the perspective I need if we are going to make this relationship last the rest of our lives.

I think we should take about nine or ten months and see how we feel about each other then? I really think we need to do this. For our future. For my sanity.

Remember, I'm asking for this because I care about you. The last thing in the world I want to have happen is for me to end up hating you. I just need a little....change.

Still yours,

Lucy

P.S. I'm sorry you didn't make it into my love letters week. You might have had the week come earlier in the year, but your warm welcome expired about a month ago.

Dear Jay,

I am fully aware of your feelings about the bearing of testimony about your spouse. Not the time or the place, you say, and I mostly agree. For that reason, I never mention you at the pulpit and my guilt spills over to include any public declaration. To toe the line, I won't write about how much I love you....my funny, funny valentine.

I won't say how you are my true love and when we have all our ducks in a row, all our pistons firing, and the wind behind our sails - life couldn't be sweeter.

I won't tell you that even when things are amiss, and we both silently wonder why, I adore you just the same. Because I know you would never knowingly hurt me or be anything less than what I want and need you to be. Your trial in life is me not telling you.

I won't proclaim my luck in scoring the best dad on the planet. They'd be beating at our door if they knew the power of your stories, the depth of your sports knowledge and prowess at making toy boxes.

I will keep silent about your humor, your "going down the stairs" move behind the kitchen counter, your impulses to do push-ups after watching anything about the armed forces or your sweet kisses in the morning.

I will keep these things strictly between us (wink, wink) because in the end, as long as you know I love you, it doesn't really matter who else does. I hope you know, because I do. Truly. Madly. Deeply. Wait...isn't that a song?

Your biggest fan,

Me

Dear Sisters and Brother,

No, I am not referring to the general human family, but you...sweet siblings....who are most genetically similar to me.

I remember in primary, singing Families Can Be Together Forever, and loving that I was going to be together FOREVER with you guys. I could picture it perfectly. Mom and Dad and the six of us, sitting around a heavenly living room playing the water game and eating apple slices that Dad had cut up. Heaven indeed.

When I got married and started having children of my own I finally realized the vastness of the links - that we are all linked together but it's not exclusive to our happy little circle. Now I'm linked to mine and you to yours and the living room I have in my head needs to be altered. Happy with these new links, I still mourn the loss of that perfect living room, without a crack in the ceiling to worry about. Because we were such a happy family, weren't we?

I know we aren't dead and a happy family still, but I don't think I'm being overly dramatic to point out the memory of what was that will never quite be again. We were great together! Sure, Mom and Dad get a lot of credit for being fantastic parents, but I think our own personalities had a lot to do with our awesomeness.

Emily with your hair skills and supreme style. At least to one idolizing younger sister who couldn't wait to wear your puffy white prom dress (which I never could...damn my larger bones!) but did get my fair share of home perms and rag curls.

Maureen with your musical genius, mastering the Hallelujah chorus accompaniment while singing (so hard to do....but my favorite Christmas tradition ever) and willingness to party...wherever. Perhaps our perch on the piano annoyed some of you (Sarah freely admits it), but I loved playing The Spirit of God duet at the piano (even though I had the ridiculously easy part), singing Torch songs and church ballads. This, I hope, continues in the eternities.

Jon with your humor. Can Jon be in the room and the rest of us not laugh? Whether you're dancing, leading, air drumming or just using your voice and your eyes in that way makes most of my childhood memories complete. Our home certainly would have been different without you for a brother. I think he may be all of our favorite.

Jen with your loyalty, effort and organization. It seems so boring as I type it but you're anything but. You're the glue, most times...putting your skills to use and visiting and inviting as often as needed to keep us close. Then, you surprise all who don't know you well (but I smugly enjoy my insider information) and rock out to X96, celebrate Bono's birthday with a lemon cake and travel around the country for extra concerts.

Sarah with your nurturing ways. If ever there was a mother to us all (besides, of course, our actual mother), you're her. How strange that this personality trait shines from baby sister, who has been this way since I've known you. You were always willing to let me share your bed and warm up with your heated skin, always there for each of my achievements, doing whatever necessary to help me out on the way. As an adult you're only more motherly. Sometimes I feel tinges of guilt when you shows up at my door with Nyquil after I told you I was fine, but really...it's just how you love. So I let myself bask in it.

I'm happy when you're happy. I hurt when you do. I think this is what family means. You have taught me the most important thing I've needed to know during this adult life of mine. That family, ours and mine, is my greatest treasure.

Forever yours (like it or not),

Lucy

Dear Henry,

No-no

Uh-oh

Go-go....crash.

Last week, your Aunt Sarah was eating dinner with us and you were being particularly cute. As I sat there, completely bewitched, I said out loud, "I don't know if it's his diagnosis with a speech disorder or what, but I so completely love him right now. It's like he can do no wrong!"

Sarah chuckled and said, "except for when we were talking on the phone on Tuesday and you yelled, "I could seriously sell this kid!""

Oh yeah...I must have forgotten about that particular moment.

The truth is, you could drive me to drink...if I were a drinking woman, but you are also about the cutest, most lively, most charming little person to ever cross my path.

I suppose that's how I rationalize coming in to sleep with you when you cry in the middle of the night. Or why I fill up yet another sippy cup of your exclusive very vanilla soy milk (somehow the rest of us manage to get by with the regular stuff) instead of forcing you to eat that sandwich. It's definitely the reason as to why I give in and say, "really....this is the last one" and hand you another miniature Reses Peanut Butter cup when you rub your belly and say "eese"

I joke (sort of) about what a challenging child you are but there is no doubt that you and I had a plan from the beginning about how our arrangement would work. You knew I'd be a trifle over confident in my parenting skills and agreed that a little humility should be sent my way. How else can I explain why my exasperated heart eases when you suddenly stand up in the bathtub, which you are in because you just sprayed Grease Away all over your hair and lean over the edge to kiss me? It's as if you are gently reminding me that we agreed to all of this and you are simply doing your part to teach me an essential truth about my job as your mom. It's not about me teaching you perfect obedience but about you (and your more obedient brothers) teaching me about perfect love.

I do, I do, I do....love you. My little Henry at age two:)

Mom

Dear Inlaws,

I wonder if this letter takes you by surprise. Maybe. Probably. But I hope not. My life is greatly blessed because you are a part of it.

Because I married Jay I have:

• a gentle brother-in-law who will be required to work miracles with my children's teeth.
• a sister-in-law who taught me, with great courage and understanding, about the purpose of prayer.
• a brother-in-law who makes me laugh, but still doesn't feel comfortable feeling my face with a blindfold on.
• a sister-in-law who lent me "the gospel"about sleep and babies, and changed the way I parent forever (although, now I admit to going astray which has left me sleep deprived and miserable).
• a brother-in-law who has strong convictions and a bold way of declaring them, that even though I lost the debate and left the room in tears (horrifying!), he still considers me a friend and never, ever rubs it in.
• a sister-in-law who introduced me to T-Tapp and was the first one to help me understand what it meant to be married to one of the boys.
• a brother-in-law who seems shy, until it comes to fantasy football where he makes his bold moves and leaves no prisoners.
• a sister-in-law who threw me my bridal shower, made each of my boys a quilt and has the neatest handwriting ever!
• a brother-in-law who keeps us on the straight and narrow when it comes to finding good BBQ and Rootbeer.
• a sister-in-law who totally intimidated me at our first meeting, but who I now consider one of my best friends. Anytime I can swap kids with someone, and it actually makes my life easier, I know I've found a soul sister.
• a brother-in-law who loves my children and lets them hang all over him the minute he comes through the door.
• a sister-in-law who is so down to earth and easy to like, I forget we really just met and haven't already been friends for our whole lives.
• a father-in-law who I've never seen lose the battle over paying the bill. He has some sneaky ninja ways to get it paid for before anyone else knows it even came.
• a mother-in-law who quietly loves her entire family, in more ways than I can mention.
  
  
  Jay's family
• and who they married
  
  
  

And because you married one of us, I have:

• a brother-in-law I used to be able to hold my own when it came to microbiology jargon, but now leaves me completely in the dust with his knowledge. He also falls into the category of super-dad.
• a sister-in-law who forgave me for being less than kind at our first meeting (I was just a tad possessive of my brother), but who loves sports as much as me (well...maybe more) , would be a fun amazing race partner, has no fear when it comes to karaoke (love that), shares with me her incredible card making skills and makes the best rolls I've ever tasted.
  
• a brother-in-law who was adopted into the family long before he actually dated my sister. He serves and serves and serves and whenever I visit, he offers to watch my kids so that I am free to play with my sister. I should also mention he's quite handy and saved me a bundle when I thought my disposal was broken.

My cup runneth over. I love all of you.

Lucy

Dear Friends,

It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What! You, too? Thought I was the only one."
C.S. Lewis

“A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words."

“Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow. Don't walk behind me: I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend."

Albert Camus

"Life is partly what we make it, and partly what it is made by the friends we choose."
Tennessee Williams

I could leave it at that and say, "Yeah, what the quotes say" but then it's just a card(although a digital card published for the world to see that didn't even cost me a stamp) with someone else's words (although those words are well placed and meaningful. You'll not be so lucky with mine).

Oh...you friends. You friends that like me despite knowing me. How I adore you. You like me even though I forget your birthdays. If, by chance, you're lucky enough to have your birthday remembered, you know your present is going out to lunch with me (a win/win, if you will). You like me even though all I ever bring to a potluck is a bag of chips or package of cookies (or else something that didn't turn out like I hoped). You like me even though I rarely call, because the phone just isn't my thing. Thank you for liking me in spite of me.

I love you because you have stuck with me through the days of choreographing a dance to "Eye of The Tiger" for the talent show, writing fake book reports, inviting me for sleepovers in your waterbed (glorious!) and showing up for school dressed like Pauly Shore (gross).


I love you because you didn't think spending the day on a floatie at the lake was a waste of time AND you usually brought some tunes....or at least some baby oil to share (I have you to thank for my moles), because you were always willing to dance with me at the lame stake dance (or wherever, really. Just give us a beat and watch us shimmy!), and because you didn't care if I made fun of your cheesy boyfriend (although...looking back, that was kind of rude of me. I think you must have been putting on a brave face. But, I really hope that you can now agree that him serenading you with a Janet Jackson song was hilarious. Because it was.)


I love you because you didn't freak out about your food when we shared a refrigerator (like some of our other roommates. My mozzarella cheese was your mozzarella cheese), because you were game to go to Ladies Night at The Edge every...single....Wednesday and because you knew I was a much better person than the one I acted like.


I love you because you let me hang out with you when my life sucked, because you actually considered me part of your gang and invited me along to sit in the front row of all those kung-fu movies and because you liked me still the same when my life stopped sucking.

I love you because you hung out with me even though I was a neurotic mother of ONE child and felt the world would end if he didn't get to bed by 7:00, because you taught me how to play pinochle and because you invited me to your cooking club (even though we both knew I didn't really belong there).


I love you because you loved Chipotle, The Outback and Fergie's Frozen Custard as much as I did, because you kept our joint laundry room sparkling and because you waited for me at the top of that killer hill... the one I never ran to the top of first.


I love you because you walked across the street from the park to introduce yourself, because you brought me a steak dinner after Sammy was born, and because you love my son so much you want him to marry your daughter (I take that as a huge compliment).

I love you because you went through my house and showed me what would be cuter, because you parted with a cute old door to support the cause(and hung it on my wall!) and because you always, always, always shared your creative talent with me.


I love you because you invited me to can peaches with you before realizing how out-of-my league that sort of activity was for me, because hanging out with you is the best and easiest time I've ever had and because you invited me along, more times than I can count, when Jay was working, out of town or busy...even though that couldn't have been your ideal way to spend your own date night. Or vacation. Or lake outing.


I love you for loving bookgroup and making it a necessary part of your month. Even if you didn't read the book, you came because it was that much fun. And it was only that much fun because we were are all convinced it would be.


I love you for being a stalker and wearing me down with witty and helpful emails until I realized that we were one soul in two bodies (that was a quote I didn't include...so I can't take credit for it). I love you for sending a gluten-free present when Jay finished his boards, even though you had never met either of us in person and because you love Pat Benetar's We Belong as much as I do (o.k...you love it more).

I love you for getting me into blogging, for keeping in touch without blogs for many, many years, and for hanging out with me after a day of skiing, even though it meant you had to fetch a blow dryer to get rid of your hat hair.


I love you for reading my blog....because you care about what I think, how I feel and what I have to say and you like me.

In spite of me.

“It is by chance that we met, by choice that we became friends."

Your friend forever,

Lucy

To My Parents:

I miss you! I know it's only five more weeks until you are home, but it feels like you have been gone a long, long time. Much longer than eighteen months. It pains me a little to think of you being home, perhaps even permanently, and me moving so far away. Much too far for a quick weekend trip, or a solo trip when Jay gets busy. Now, our visits will be a concerted effort, with a schedule and deadline and may even require a topper for the van!

Despite the distance and the possibility of poor gas mileage, I eagerly await reintroducing your grandchildren to the joys of my childhood home. They'll get reacquainted with a certain short order breakfast cook (thanks Grandpa!), and a few treasure's from Grandma (who always finds a good deal and buys in bulk).

Serving a mission is a sacrifice. You've sacrificed your time, your freedom, your life as you knew it to serve where you were needed. I feel so fortunate that I was able to see firsthand the good works that you have accomplished in Myanmar. You most definitely have done it unto the least of the Lord's children. What service you rendered for Him!

We've sacrificed too. We've given up easy access to our advice givers, our co-celebrators, our recipe holders and our apron. Although the strings are cut, as you knew they would be (independence surely comes after four years), I hope the apron comes out of storage to at least whip up a stove top chocolate cake:-)

See you soon!

Lucy