Daily Gratitude - Day 10

Even though my mother is an excellent cook, I never learned how to cook until I was married. I lived off of tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwiches pressed with my handy snack master at college and never really thought about meals until...well...I had to think about meals.

It has taken years, lots and lots of years, to feel confident in the kitchen. My staples for the early years of my marriage were things like Hamburger Helper and Suddenly Salad.  Anything that came in a kit or only required the dumping of a few cans together were my go-to meals. Jay’s diagnosis with celiac disease over 7 years ago really changed how I felt about my role as the main preparer of food. Once easy meals were no longer easy because I could no longer use certain ingredients and restaurants were no longer an easy option because most don’t have gluten-free food and those that do are prepared in a way that rarely made Jay feel confident that what he was eating was actually gluten-free. As much as I’m sure we all wish for a cure or even drugs that could reverse the effects of eating gluten, his and later, Sam’s, diagnosis had one unintended benefit: I became a decent cook.

It’s still not something that I really enjoy doing, from the thinking of what to make, the shopping, the prep and the clean-up, but I love having family dinners together and I love hearing my boys say, “I love Mom’s enchiladas/mac-n-cheese/salmon/chili/roast/salad/etc”. It brings me joy to know that something as mundane as a meal is making a happy imprint on their childhood. Perhaps because I have so many of my own favorite from my childhood (Mom’s rolls, her wilted salad, her fruit salad, cheesy potatoes, homemade pizza, creamed corn, stovetop chocolate cake), I feel somewhat accomplished in learning to do something that does not come naturally to me.

While I do still try new foods and search out recipes for variety, I have some go to meals that no longer require my looking at recipes. Sunday’s lasagne was one of them.

I added all of the spices and seasonings to a pound of ground pork to make a sausage. I chopped an onion and browned the sausage along with some ground beef. I added chopped garlic. I added tomato sauce with other spices and seasonings and let all of that yummy goodness meld together on the stove. In a blender, I put in some chopped green onions, cream cheese, ricotta cheese and an egg until they became a smooth, white cheese layer. I layered these things with gluten-free rice lasagne noodles  and topped it all with asagio, romano and parmesean cheese, because those taste better than mozzarella to me. Because my boys have bottomless stomaches, I also made a salad, jello, and had gluten-free baguette for Jay and Sam and a regular one for the rest of us cut up. With confidence, I set the table for what I knew would be a lovely, Sunday dinner with my family.

I’m not sure where my brain was that day but I way undercooked the lasagne. The noodles weren’t fully cooked and the ricotta cheese layer hadn’t set and it was...well...gross.  Thank goodness for the jello, bread and salad. Everyone left the table happy and full but I was still so disappointed. Mistakes like that don’t create, “I love my mom’s lasagne,” memories.

Because there was literally 3/4ths of a large 9 X13 pyrex still full of lasagne, I decided to put it back in the oven. It cooked for another 20 minutes, I took it out , let it cool and then put it into a bunch of different tupperware containers for left overs.

I had one for lunch today. Jay took one for lunch for him. It was soooooo much better fully cooked! He texted me his agreement and I thought, “I am so grateful for second chances.”

Whether it’s about something as silly as undercooked lasagne to some of my more horrible foibles, I truly am grateful for do-overs and forget-about-its. I love knowing I can improve and learn even while making mistakes. Sins require repentance. Unkind words and actions require apologies. Faucet handles can’t just be turned tighter and tighter if there is a drip (this post will be coming up). And lasagne definitely needs a full hour to be cooked through. Hooray for second chances.

Emoting and Kung Pao Chicken Tutorial

Ah, It's Christmas time, Christmas week and my emotions are all over the place.  Most of the time, I'm delighted.  By life.  By my children.  By the white lights that adorn my mantle and tree.  And then, with no fanfare and little warning, surges of sadness will envelop me.  Today it happened as my children and I drove from place to place to place delivering this years from-our-house-to-yours family gifts.  I was passing the mall, the rinky dink, JC Penneys is the best store of the lot mall and my mind traveled back to shopping in my rinky dink, Hennesey's was the best store of the lot mall of my youth.  I remembered shopping for all five of my siblings in one stop shopping, picking up tacky gifts along the way while simultaneously hoping someone had bought me that sweater from Maurices.   The one with the peach flowers.  And they did.

Yesterday, it happened while I was fishing for addresses from an old file on our ancient-in-computer-years computer.   I scrolled through names of people I fastidiously entered into a database probably six years ago and felt sad that within such a short amount of time, there were people I have completely lost contact with.  Cards from years past have been returned and the connection....gone.  Poof.  The envelope with their name once written now directed to go to another home.   I know it's the nature of long distance friendships to come and go, but, it still filled me with a bit of melancholy as I remembered why they had ever been sent a card in the first place.  We liked them.  We had intentions to stay in touch.

Those are just moments of the day.  Like I said, most of the time, the boys and I are having a great break.  The presents are under the tree and I think this might be one of those Christmases that stays forever imprinted on my mother heart.  All three joyously shake their gifts, guessing what's in the largest box and counting the number with their name on it.  Each night we read a Christmas story and I've seen tears in Sam's eyes as story after story seems to end up showing that love is a lot more important than gifts.  One night, Christmas music streamed from Pandora and I never thought teaching a boy how to curl ribbon while Mariah Carey belted in the background could be so fun.  So...good moments fill our days too.

I want to capture each memory.  Write about it.  Find the humor in the little moments that I prefer to remember.   I sit here and try tonight and feel stressed that it's not as easy as it once was.  Kind of like those friendships of old....

But enough of that.  See, I didn't want to do two separate posts but I did want to clear my mind.  I've had these Kung Pao Chicken pictures waiting for upload for a week now and so I'm combining the two.  Who said emoting and Kung Pao Chicken couldn't go together?

Kung Pao Chicken


First, gather all of your ingredients.  You will need:


two large boneless, skinless chicken breasts
1 green pepper
1 red pepper
1 onion (I prefer white)
2 cloves of garlic
1 T of chopped fresh ginger root
1 t of crushed dried chili pepper (or more if you like it extra spicy)
4 T of soy sauce
2 T corn starch
1 T sugar
1/2 C chicken stock
1/4 - 1/2 C of oil.

Once everything is gathered, you start your rice.  I use jasmine and always use a 2:1 ratio.  Two cups of water for one cup of rice.  Or four cups of water for two cups of rice.  You get the idea.  Bring to a boil, add the rice, bring back to a boil and then reduce to a simmer and cover.  It takes about a half hour.  Sometimes less, so if it's looking done, turn the heat off and leave the lid on and your rice will be perfect.

Next, I start chopping.  It's really necessary to have everything chopped before you begin cooking because everything happens quickly once the cooking begins.  First, I chop the chicken into about 1 inch cubes.

Once they are chopped, I transfer them to a plate, add 2 Tbs of soy sauce as a marinade and then add between 1-2 Tbs of corn starch to coat each piece.  This is an essential step.  I have skipped it before and the chicken comes out rubbery and tough.  The cornstarch cover will make the chicken so, so soft.  Delicious.  Leave to marinate while chopping the vegetable.

Next, I chop the peppers and onion about equal size as the chicken.  It's not a science so just eyeball it.  If one piece seems huge, cut it in half.  For the onion, I cut it into fourths and then I cut the fourths into thirds.  Once chopped, transfer these on a plate as well (or leave on the cutting board if you have more cutting boards to use).

The last thing I chop is the seasonings.  I chop two cloves of garlic and take about three to four slices of a ginger root to cut up.  On this particular evening, I used five dried chili peppers and crumbled them in my hand.  It was a mistake.  Not only was the chicken really spicy, I absentmindedly touched my eye later one.  Yowzers.  I had to do a full head immersion under the sink to get the sting out.  DON'T DO IT!  I think three peppers is safe to start with and add more if you want it extra hot.

I add probably 1/4 of a cup of oil to my wok and heat it on high.  I would add more oil than that to begin with and decrease to 1/4 C as you get more confident with the timing.  You don't want things to burn is all.  

 Once the oil starts looking wavy in the pan, I add the three seasonings (crushed dried peppers, ginger root and garlic)

Stir for about ten seconds and then add chicken.  Like I said, you do not have time to dilly dally.  Be prepared.  Stir fry the chicken and seasons for about three minutes or until chicken is cooked.

Transfer cooked chicken to plate.

Add about a tablespoon of oil to the wok, or don't, depending on if you have any oil remaining from cooking the chicken, and add your vegetables.  Cook these until they reach the desired level of crispness. I usually stir-fry them  for about two minutes.

While vegetables are cooking, make your chicken gravy.  Depending on how much gravy I want or need, I usually do a 1/2 C chicken stock/1 T cornstarch ratio.

Return the cooked chicken to the wok and stir together.  Add 1 T of sugar and 2 Tbs of soy sauce to chicken/vegetable mixture.  Stir.  

Shift the food to one side of the wok and add the cornstarch/chicken stock to the wok.

Bring to a boil and then mix in chicken and vegetables.

For the final step, add 1/2 C of peanuts or cashews.  Then eat and enjoy!

Yes, I eat with a dessert fork when necessary because I only have five dinner forks remaining from my original set.  I know, Mother.  I should go buy some more.

I'll have you know, cooking while simultaneously taking pictures is no easy task.  Hands are frequently dirty and...well....things start to burn.  I'm just saying.  That Pioneer Woman makes it look so easy.  I swear she has help.

I learned this dish from a Taiwanese woman in my relief society.  It took me several attempts to get the hang of it, but now I consider it one of the easiest things I make.  The cornstarch/soy sauce marinade is the critical step.  Once you get the timing of the cooking down, it's practically impossible to mess up.  Unless you add too many peppers. But, I like spicy food so I don't even consider that a mess up.

Try it.  It's really tasty.  And, except for the oil, it's really healthy.