Well...I Never

There are lots of things I never thought would happen in my life that have never happened.

I never thought I would ever be arrested for anything and I haven't been.

I never thought I would be a world famous trapeze artist and I'm not.

I never thought I would crave raw tomatoes and I don't.

But, there are a few things that I never thought would happen in my life that have, in fact, happened.

I never thought I would only have sons.

I never thought I would prefer a primary calling.

And, I never, ever, ever thought I would own a barn on our property.  Heck, I never thought I would own "property".  My vision for my future life ran more along the lines of having a nicely fenced yard.

When we moved here five years ago, we rented a house in the neighborhood I thought I wanted to live in. It was soon obvious to me that while it would be a fine place to live and there were certainly lots of reasons to be happy there, I really would rather live closer to town - preferably in town.

Travel with me from that moment in life to our current abode - 25 acres ten minutes from town and 20 minutes from the church (where we have to be at least 3 different days of the week) and you can see how, at times, I scratch my head and think, "Well...I never."

It's not that I'm unhappy. On the contrary, I quite enjoy the peace and tranquility not having any visible neighbors affords. I like our house. I like the childhood my boys are having even though it is so different from my own hop-on-my-bicycle-and-go-to-a-friends-house-youth.

It's more that I'm dumbfounded. I have a memory of sitting with Jay while we were dating and sharing information about our families. I can hear him telling me about his dad, who, back then, worked as a radiologist, was currently a stake president and had a 100 cow working ranch. Because Jay was also going into medicine, and was serving in a busy college elder's quorum, I asked right then if he wanted a ranch in his future as well. He laughed and assured me that, no, that was not the life for him. Because I thought that lifestyle was crazy! I still do!

Well, I think something happens to a young man who becomes a man and life's responsibilities are often weighty. Something also happens to a man who has a father nearby and he discovers that his former childhood chores are now great ways to spend time with him. Jay discovered that ranching is not only a great stress relief but that he really, really, really likes the study of cows.

It definitely began with our boys foray into 4-H a couple of years ago. Seth's second to last place finish was a bit of a hard blow to his dad. When neither boy fared much better last year, Jay, whose competitive nature has him think things like, "If you're not first, you're last," and, "Second place is the first loser," while running upped his 4-H game. Because, when all is said and done, it is, I have learned, a game.

A steer who looks a certain way will always win at a county or state fair. It wasn't this case when Jay was a youth participating, so he's had to learn through experience. These steers are almost always progeny of the same few champion bulls and they have straight backs and big butts and long hair. They have other numbers too but, like HD television, you can see the difference when comparing side by side. To get these steers, most go and buy these club calves from certain well-known dealers. They can cost anywhere from $4,000 to $9,000, as a calf, and that makes no economic sense to spend that kind of money up front, feed them grain for 10 months and then maybe get that much at the sale. You would lose money, which is not the point of this great beef endeavor. The point, at least at the start of this all, was to have the boys learn about animals, teach them about the responsibility of daily care, and have them earn money for their missions.

So, last year, Jay took an artificial insemination course over in Utah. For a few days, he learned the science behind it and then had lots of practice on some poor, poor heifers who were on their way to the slaughter house (PETA...look away). He studied and researched and studied some more and bought some straws of semen, which are only about $20 each from these same champion bulls, and then tried this technique on 10 heifers. He was thrilled when 8 of them birthed these genetically chosen calves, even though only 2 of them were bulls (phew). His defense for all this rigamarole is that the boys will be more interested in continuing to participate if they don't place so poorly but I know my husband and I know that he is positioning his team for a win. It might not be this year and it might not be next year but, by golly, he and his boys are going to compete!

Which brings me to the barn. Jay hated taking advantage of his dad's corral space and barn for the steers. He also hated that the boys were that much removed from being involved in their daily care as it required a ride over and, more times than not, it was easier and more efficient for him to just do it himself. He figured, and he is right, that with our own barn and the steers just a hop, skip and a jump away, the boys will really take on the responsibility and learn the economic lessons and gain the work habits that will make them better men. When the timing worked so that we could afford it and use a hard-working contractor friend who needed employment, Jay got to work designing his barn. It really is something, the things this man can do when he want something.

Like most construction, it took more time and money than was originally thought and although it still needs electricity (had to wait until spring for the ground to thaw) and gravel to make the road to it less treacherous, it is done. Jay moved the steers over here about a month ago and it took my mother visiting for me to finally meander over there and have a look at it. That's as into it as I am. Because, well...I never thought I'd have a barn. But, now I do.




The barn has an open side with easy, covered storage.



Right now, while it's cold outside, the steers live in this outdoor corral.  Jay plays a radio during the day so they get used to sound.  The electricity comes from a long extension cord from the house.




The inside of the main section of the barn. Basically, this is an indoor basketball court. Jay originally designed it to have a 20ft high ceiling but realized 18 ft was plenty tall enough. I envision hosting a few fun barn dances with lights strung along the top.  How fun, right?!




This side of the barn is more storage but that back room, the one that isn't full open, is what will be the cool room. This is where the cows will spend their days during the summer. It will have air conditioning to allow their hair to remain long and them to gain as much weight as possible.  Crazy, crazy, crazy!  But, this is the kind of set up the past champions have.




I like it. I mean, it's a barn and it doesn't really do much for me personally but it brings my husband much joy, makes my boys more active participants in their market beef projects and keeps all of them closer to home, which is very nice. I still hope and pray that having 2 steers nearby keeps him satisfied and go on record right here declaring that I still have no desire to be married to rancher who is also a radiologist but I do have a great desire for Jay to be happy and if helping his dad and creating a winning 4-H steer from frozen bull semen is what brings him happiness, then I really am for this. It's not the cozy guest cottage that was my once-upon-a-dream but if you're really adventurous and don't mind sleeping next to some furry neighbors, there's plenty of room in there to accommodate visitors:)

I think I Just Became A Grown-up

I am a big believer in the birthday - to the extent that I get a wee bit frustrated with the many adults who seem to downplay its importance.

"It's just another day."

"I don't want to celebrate getting older."

"Never mind with the cake.  I don't care."

Bah!

There is a wise but trendy quote out there about not regretting growing older as it's a privilege denied to many and I think the thought is fine but I don't want to be only grateful for not being dead.  I am grateful to be alive!  I think my existence, and the existences of the fabulous people I adore on their birthdays, are worth celebrating.  So, I try and make birthdays a big deal.

Some of my past birthday mantras have been "don't do anything you don't want to do." Better than simply not doing the undesirable, the day should also be spent doing whatever you do want to do but I acknowledge that sometimes, just not going to school or to work or ignoring the laundry that needs to be done is part of the celebration too.  It kills me a little that Jay always seems to work on his birthday.  I mean, I would understand if his job was trail running or skiing or artificially inseminating cows...things he loves to do.  But, he often comes home from work tired and worn out and frustrated and I think he should opt out of that on his birthday.  But...I digress.  This is about me.

It's hard to opt out of being a mom.  I suppose what I realized this year, compared to other more selfish and disappointing years, is that there are more than just do or don't do alternatives to the day.  I can make it a point to do or not do whatever I want or I can enjoy whatever the day brings.  Maybe that is why Jay works.  Maybe that is what so many of those bah-humbuggers are actually doing: choosing to celebrate their everyday life.  Interesting idea.

I have this fantasy birthday celebration.  Admittedly selfish, I dream of spending 24 hours by myself.  I want to get a nice hotel room and read a book, uninterrupted for hours.  I want to take a long bubble bath.  I want to hog the bed and wake up when my body wants to and not because an alarm is going off or a baby is crying or boys are wrestling loudly just outside my door.  I want a chef to make my food and a waiter to bring it to me and someone else to clean it up.  This hasn't always been my birthday fantasy.  Most years, I want to be with friends, doing something active and funny and slightly wild.  I want to laugh and dance and play.  I don't know if it's having a baby or four boys or the realization that I don't really have the friends or lifestyle that accommodates dancing or rowdiness but that kind of celebration appeals to me less and less.  I long for the calm.

But, calm was not to be this year.  There was no way around it - fair was the week of my birthday and the culminating activity for the week, the sale, was to be held on my birthday evening.  With the show and weigh-in and interviews and other fair activities earlier in the week, there really wasn't a chance to move the celebrating to a different day.  Knowing all of this, I had a choice to make. I could act like I didn't care about my birthday at all and it was just another day and what did it matter that Jay and the boys would be totally preoccupied and busy with their four-legged projects.  I could refuse to have anything at all to do with the fair because it wasn't where I wanted to be on my birthday.  I could go to the fair and resent every minute of it.  I'm not going to lie, I was aware and thought about each of these options.



Fair isn't just about the animals.  There are overpriced activities and rides to enjoy as well.  Here, Jay treats the boys to some rubber band shooting.



Sam had what I like to call his posse around the entire week.  They encouraged him to do things like get this crazy hat.  Even when silly, Sam is always willing to do whatever to help with Daniel.



At the corn-shucking contest.  The kids won.  I think they had an unfair advantage since there was about 20 of them.  Look at the group of 5 behind them.  Same amount of corn to be shucked.  They are good sports.  I would have been calling foul.  It's probably a good thing I don't participate in these things.



I went and looked at all the animals, even though I don't actually like their smells and sounds.  I wish I could hold my breath the entire time we are around the chickens and hens.  I don't know why. It's just so chaotic with all of those feathers and balking.  But, I did think these suckling piglets were cute.

What happened was an acceptable blend of duty and fun.  My sister, Sarah, came to ensure there was that bit of spoiling everybody deserves at least once a year.  In the morning, we went to a Zumba class that disappointed in execution but still managed to make us sweat and pretend that we were hip-swiveling goddesses.  Jay had taken the week off to help Seth and Sam at the fair but on my birthday, he took Henry as well.  That left us with only Daniel and although he is a wiggly and active baby, we could manage him between the two of us and went and got a pedicure.



Pretty toes!  Mine are the silver ones.




Sarah is probably even more uncomfortable around manure and animals than I am.  I thought this picture was so funny.  Here she is...all dolled up, eating greasy french fries in a camp chair surrounded by cows.  She does it for me.  I love her!

After our carefree morning, I needed to get to the fair.  There was a barbecue fundraiser to support, buyer baskets to put together, and boys (and a husband) to help.

Many...most...almost all moms of the 4-Hers are in the trenches with their kids projects.  I saw a friend and mom of one of my young women wipe the manure off the butt of her steer to keep it clean just before the show.  She seriously took a paper towel and just wiped it off.  With her hand.  I am not that kind of fair mom.  I will wipe my kids' bums.  I will not wipe their steers' bums.  I think there is perfect reason in that statement.

My kind of help was getting the kids root beer, chicken on a stick or a corn dog.  I combed their hair after they combed their steers hair and wiped their faces after they wiped off their steer's hooves.  They have Jay to help with the rest.




Jay is Mr. 4-H.  He came home tired every night but he loves this kind of stuff and I'm glad that he and the boys have this experience together.



Seth's steer, Tebow, getting his hip measurement.  His was 52 inch and weighed 1306 lbs.  He also came in 7th for the Silver Steaks competition which includes an ultrasound of the cow for meat quality and to encourage people to enter locally grown steers.



Sam's steer, Noche, leaving the chute.  He was shorter with only a 50.25 hip measurement and weighing 1266.  That put them in different categories so they didn't compete directly with each other.



Jay getting Daniel comfortable with the steers.  I used hand sanitizer on him after this.

The auction started at 6:30 but in spite of the boys effort and improvements they made this past year, the judged didn't seem to like their steers any better.  They came in a disappointing 6th and 7th in their classes and were scheduled to show near the end of the auction.  Prices started a lot lower than last year and the grand champion steer went for $3 less per pound.  That made us nervous but it was going to be whatever it was going to be.

Last year, I remember being so nervous for Seth in the ring.  I worried that he'd be dragged or kicked or  lose control of his steer but this year, for both boys, I knew they'd be fine.  We even sent Henry into the ring with them to carry the buyers baskets.  It was a huge relief and brought me surprising birthday joy when Seth's sold for $3.50/lb and Sam's for $3.25/lb.  I know it would have been more fun to place higher and have that accolade for having a pretty steer but when it comes down to it, they are raising and showing market beef.  Not pretty cows.  And their steers were great looking.  They just didn't have poofy, soft coats of hair.  But, who eats the hair???








Look at how cute he is as a cowboy!  I love the little curry comb in his pocket.



It didn't seem to me like the judge even looked at sam's steer but this picture proves me wrong.  I must have taken it in the nanosecond that he did.

sa











Seth did a great job too.  It's weird to think that only a year ago, we were so worried and nervous for him.  Now...he's like a pro!



At the auction.





Look at how cute Henry is in his cowboy get up. Unfortunately, he did drop the buyer basket, which was filled with pie making things (pie plate, spatula, flour, apples) a couple of times.  



So, this was a weird post in that it combined my waxing philosophical on birthdays and fair results but that is how I knew I had become a grown up.  My boys' successful fair results were like a great birthday present.  Their smiles and relief and redemption were my gifts.  I spent the majority of the day surrounded by pooping cows and, by the end of the night, I was happy.  I celebrated me...as an adult.




Patty and Delanie heart-attacked me.  I love it!



My mother-in-law brought me a beautiful bouquet of flowers from her amazing garden.  

I hope I never give up my birthday attitude.  I hope I always strive to make the day different and celebratory and acknowledge the uniqueness that is me but I'm glad I realized, at the ripe ol' age of 37 that I am more than me now.  I have these little people who are a part of me and when I celebrate them...I get to celebrate me too.

The calm will come.  And when it does, I have a hunch I'll miss the roar...even the roar of a fair.

Three Boys, Two Cows

Upon the success of Seth’s first steer sale, Jay asked Sam if he was interested in raising a steer for the next fair.  Sam shrugged and was very non-committal for months.  When the time approached this fall to choose a calf from Grandpa’s or his dad’s herd, Sam still didn’t seem very enthused about the idea.  Neither of us pushed him towards doing it, we just thought if he wanted to, he was old enough.


Going over to decide which little cow had the most potential must have been more fun than he imagined because he came home enthused and has been diligent about working with his steer ever since.  Likewise, Seth, who has a year’s worth of experience to help him, is so much more confident around his animal than last year.  Both boys regularly go over with their dad to feed, lead and curry comb their steers.

Jay is, by far, the most excited about all of this.  Following last year’s fair of feeling like a country bumpkin to all the latest steer showing methods, he’s done a whole lot of research and raising steers with his boys is currently his favorite hobby.  Whenever he puts on his Carhartt clothes and gets to spend an hour or so watching his boys be cowboys, he comes home with as much enthusiasm as if he’d just won the lottery.  Two weeks ago, he went to Utah to take an Artificial Insemination class so that NEXT year, he can hopefully produce some even higher quality show steers.  I’m telling you, a fair beast has been unleashed.

Occasionally, I get cynical about all of the effort.  It is a lot of brouhaha for an animal, after all.  The steers need to be fed twice a day, twelve hours apart.  This means Jay wakes up at 5 am most days so that he can feed them again at 5 pm.   They need to be gentle so the more you stroke and lead and maneuver them, the more successful you’ll be at the fair.  When Jay came back from Utah and told me in detail about all he had learned, he noticed the worry on my face.

“This is golf, Jay.  It has hooves and a hide, but it’s just a hobby, right?”

While he assured me that he wasn’t going to quit his job and become a full time cowboy or traveling inseminator, he did remind me that it’s more than a hobby.  There are lots of things that a man can choose as a hobby and plenty of things a man can do with his sons.  But, there are few things that bridge generations, instill responsibility, forge brotherly bonds, earn money for missions, and develop confidence all at the same time.  Jay defended the time and effort by explaining how this ties him to his boys.  It ties brothers to each other.  It ties them and him to their grandfather.  It’s work.  It’s dirty.  It can be hard. There are no days off (although they still get days off.  Jay continues to shoulder the bulk of the responsibility).  They are learning about genetics and the economy.  Math skills are put to test as they measure and weigh out grain and estimate rates of weight gain.  Come fair time, things like paying attention to detail, showing grace under pressure and showmanship  are all developed.  Lastly, the cycle of life and recognition of the important role of animals are understood.

They could be playing golf.  Don’t get me wrong, I think golf is a noble hobby with lots of life lessons it the game, albeit an expensive and time consuming way to learn them.  I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that a part of me wishes it WAS golf that Jay was into because family trips can be taken without wondering who will watch the golf balls and games can be postponed or rescheduled if the weather is bad.

In spite of its unrelenting and demanding, nature, I’m happy that Seth and Sam and Jay get to raise steers together.  I’ve no doubt that Henry will join them in a few years and Daniel after that.  I’m so glad they have a passionate dad who shares his passions with them.  Maybe I’ll join in the fun.  Just don’t expect to see me wearing Wranglers or Carhartts any time soon.

FYI:  These are not current pictures of the steers.  They are already much, much bigger.  I took these pictures in early December.

 Sam leads his steer, Noche, around the corral. 

Seth’s steer, Tebow, waits to be weighed.

Jay leading a steer onto the scale.  

Back out for another round of leading.  They are already incredibly docile and gentle steers.  I think the boys are going to have a great experience at fair this summer.

I love this picture of Seth.

It gets dirty

Practicing tying them up

A man who loves to work and play with his boys.  Henry still just likes to play.

A Cow, A Boy and A Man

An illegal picture I snapped of Seth.  I should have gathered that someone who had taken the trouble to set up this elaborate backdrop and bring lights and a fancy camera might not want someone else standing beside him taking picture, but it honestly didn't cross my mind until he yelled at me that I couldn't take pictures here.  I sheepishly apologized but didn't delete!  


Seth's first fair as participant has come and gone.  My first fair as mom has come and gone.  Jay's first fair as trainer/protector/helper/reminder has come and gone.  You can tell by the number of titles who had the hardest week.  Jay was exhausted!

Jay and his siblings participated in 4-H and fair growing up.  This was a normal part of their world.  I went and rode the carnival rides and had the occasional lemonade as a child and teen.  Visiting the animal and craft world on the other side of the fairgrounds was not something I did.  Until this year, that is.  It is a whole other world, let me tell you.

Jay and Seth picked out a calf to raise as his 4-H steer from Jay's small herd of cows when they returned from their summer pasture in the mountains of New Mexico last September.  Jay knew the calf's mother was a calm cow and that the hereford breed is, in general, a calmer, smaller and easier to manage breed.  I wasn't convinced when the steer violently ran its head into the metal corral in protest to its halter being put on, giving himself a big ol' cow bloody nose.   Thankfully, it did gentle down.

Having Seth raise a steer for the past year has been an interesting thing.  For the most part, it didn't affect my life at all.  When Seth went to work with his steer (feeding him grain, hay and water, washing his hide, clipping its hooves, giving him a haircut, walking and leading him, curry combing him) it was mostly on Saturdays.  Jay always took and taught him.  I wouldn't have known what to do had I gone.  Most of the other days, Jay fed him without bothering Seth to come as it coincided with a run or helping his dad change water, feed the cows or help hay.   I worried a bit about Seth's preparedness as it was obvious to me that Jay was doing most of the work with Seth watching on or doing only the most basic parts of the job.  I realize now that Jay perfectly prepared Seth by giving him the confidence he needed to have a successful experience at fair while simultaneously preparing the steer to not hurt our 80 lb eleven year-old.  My heart has been softened by watching this beautiful example of a father's love and I was reminded of an eternal principle:  line upon line.  Seth will do more next year.  You should hear the two of them making their plans!

I'll tell the rest of the story with pictures.



Seth's 4-H group had a club tour where they each presented on a topic of their choice and showed off their future fair exhibit.  Seth researched the Hereford breed of cows and showed off Buddy, his steer.  I laughed when I saw these pictures.  He never wears these jeans because he hates them but must have not had any other clean clothes because I don't think most 4-Hers wear H&M skinny jeans and a Boden polo while working with livestock.  I think he's adorable.



I don't have any pictures of the first few days of fair because I wasn't there for very long (weigh-in, cleaning out the stall, watching the other livestock shows) but this is on day 3 and Seth is washing Buddy for his big show.  Jay realized how much showing steer has changed in the 20 year span since he's participated.  He described his and Seth's set-up and equipment as "old-school farmer."  Indeed, most of the participants had a much fancier set-up and much fancier steers.  I was proud of them for their "old-school" way of doing things.  I mean, who would have thought that steers need to be raised in air-conditioned shelters and fancy fans above their stalls to keep them cool during fair.  We also didn't have any spray-paint to artificially heighten his hide colors.  Considering how much less money was spent on this steer, he showed very well.



Seth was the only participant that showed a Hereford.  Most of the other steers were some sort of a Black Angus cross.



The scariest moment for me was watching Seth lead that steer into the ring by himself without his dad anywhere nearby to help if Buddy got spooked or, by the nature of it being an animal, did something unpredictably violent due to stress.  There were a few instances of Buddy not moving and someone would help him along by pushing his hind in the right direction but, for the most part, Seth did a GREAT job showing him.  It was funny to watch Jay mime to Seth what he should be doing.  I believe when I took this picture, Jay was trying to catch Seth's eye to motion for him to lift Buddy's head up by lifting up the halter.




Seth's class of steer, which were separated by hip height, was the largest.  He didn't place high but he didn't get last, which was a huge relief for both Jay and I who are intimately aware of Seth's sensitivity to disappointment.  We were thrilled when he got a Blue Ribbon group which qualified him for the auction the following night.



Grandpa Vaughn and Papa Jay were both very proud of Seth.  I love this picture of three generations of cowmen.  Seth's relief is visible, as is his excitement to go and get a cold rootbeer from a nearby vending machine.




The auction.  Oh....the auction.  Seth was 123 out of 125 animals to be sold.  He didn't even get into the ring until after 11:00 at night and by then, most of the buyers had left.  Still, Jay told him, "At this point, Seth, you are selling yourself and not your steer."  Once again, we were unprepared by the changes that had occurred since Jay's fair days and didn't doll the steer up with garland, bows or glitter, nor did we have an expensive gift basket carried by a cute younger sibling to present to the highest bidder (can you imagine how cute Henry would have looked walking around the ring in wranglers and boots?).  Thankfully, Seth's scout leader is married to a prominent business man in town who usually buys a steer and, unbeknownst to us, had decided to get Seth's.  His steer, though second to last, went for a $1.50/lb more than the  five or six steers had gone before his.  Seth was beyond elated.  He's naturally gifted at math and did the multiplication of price/pound times 1175 lbs before he even left the ring.


The auctioneers looking for bidders raising their hands.  It was a full time job keeping Henry from bidding on things.  There were actually a couple of bidders on Seth's steer, which got the bid up to $3.50/lb!!



Seth had a big smile on his face the entire time.  He really did show well, in spite of Buddy not having any fancy bows.

The next day, when it was time to load the steers on their way to the butcher, Seth confidently led his own steer into the trailer, no tears involved (apparently, there are lots and lots of tears this day).  Jay said there were dollar signs in his eyes instead and he knows that he has already earned a significant chunk for his mission.  My greatest concern was that something would topple Seth's fragile confidence during fair week and he'd never want to do it again.  Instead, Seth is looking at catalogs with his dad and wondering if he should try a heavier limousine cross breed next year.  He'll learn much more about the reality of profit next year, as he'll have to use his own savings now to buy grain and other supplies, but I wouldn't trade a single moment of this year's experience.   The money in the bank is a great and exciting thing, but I'm mostly happy watching Seth look at his dad with adoring and grateful eyes and Jay helping Seth become the great man he is destined to become.