Something Isn't Always Better Than Nothing

Imagine you love Mozart's music.  His clean melodies, balanced harmonies and crisp rhythms.  You listen to his music whenever possible and have all of his CDs but nothing brings you as much joy as listening to a live performance with an amazing orchestra at the helm.  The energy in the room is palpable and there is something about the passion of the performers, their bows moving up and down, their fingers and breaths in perfect synchronicity, that makes the moment even more than about the music. It is a shared event. It is wonderful.

Now, imagine that you live in a place where there is no community symphony. You still have all of your CDs and listening to them gives you pleasure but there is something about the lack of variance that begins to diminish your enjoyment. It's all so...predictable. Every swell and formata sounds exactly the same, time after time. It's been years since you've heard these works live and you are craving a concert.

Then, you notice on Facebook that there is an event right in your own small town: a Mozart Extravaganza! They are bringing in special musicians from out of town and performing one of your very favorite major works. You buy your ticket and anticipate a few hours of pure bliss. You know the musicans are amateurs and so the music won't be as polished and clean as you are used to hearing it from the professionally recorded CDs but the opportunity to hear it live is worth the trade off.

The day comes and you go to the concert.  You find your seat and even feel a bit giddy about what the next two hours will be like.  The curtain opens and....

all of the performers are middle school kids. There is a bit of panic as you have been to your fair share of middle school orchestra concerts and know how schreechy and painful it can be but this is a special event. Surely, only the most talented and prepared musicans have been selected to perform and it will be good, if not great. Then they begin and it is every bit as bad as you feared.  Out of tune. Slow. Totally uninspiring.

You stay an hour and then, disheartened, you get out of your seat for what your brain decides is a drink of water. In the hallway, you hear the music start back up and, rather than return to your seat, you leave.

Replace Mozart with Zumba and this is my story.

Why didn't I just tell it with Zumba as the passion to begin with? Because caring about the music of a century's old musical genius is understandable and caring about Zumba is silly. Caring about the quality of instructors is petty. It's just a form of exercise, right? It's just as fun following an out of shape 50 year-old woman with no rhythm as it is some gorgeous latina whose hips don't lie. For me...no, noit isn't. I felt like I was at the middle school Zumbathon!

It's been tough finding Zumba these past few years. There are probably half a dozen classes here in my small town but none has fit in with my schedule.  The times I can go are in places with no child care and the places with child care have their classes during my get-my-kids-to-their-things time. I bought a Zumba app on my ipad but I can't get into following an animated dancer. I have the videos but rarely do them because I don't like videos. The music is corny and the instructors say the exact same thing every time. Wah.

Back in my biggest loser days, there was a Zumba instructor I really enjoyed.  None of her routines were complicated but she could really dance and I think Zumba is most enjoyable when you are following a good dancer because then, in your own mind, that is what you look like dancing too and you leave feeling like a latin goddess. She no longer teaches and I've been to a few different instructors around town but it isn't the same. They move weird.

Such a snob, you say, and you are right. I've been fortunate enough to go to some really good classes up in Utah with Sarah and perhaps they spoiled me. There are these two instructors from South America and their Zumba routines are how every Zumba routine should be: fun, energetic and sassy. But, most importantly, they sell those routines with their abilities. I have participated in a booty war and I know I must have looked ridiculous but I didn't care because I was having so much fun.

Searching for that kind of atmosphere is what compelled me to attend this local Zumbathon today. I knew I wasn't in Utah and really wasn't expecting the routines to be at that level but I was expecting it to be better than it was. I think we did 10 or 11 routines in the first hour and, out of those, there were only 2 that didn't leave me wanting. Whether it was an instructor who couldn't stay on the beat or my own inability to just let loose and have fun anyway, I left after an hour. A straw was placed on my back when one instructor continuously, and I mean obnoxiously so, fanned herself because we were so "hot." Another straw came from all of the women who insisted on wearing jingly belly dancer scarves around their waists the entire time. But my camel's back was broken when we were expected to flap our arms like birds and fly around the room. I did go for that drink of water then and never came back.

I called Sarah from the parking lot because I knew she would best understand my deep disappointment. She understood and appropriately sympathized. When Jay when he asked me about it, I told him that becoming a Zumba instructor must be easy because there doesn't seem to be much quality control. I've heard that the Subway corporation doesn't regulate their franchises very much which can be frustrating to owners because their ease of opening can easily lead to oversaturation. It must be true because there are 4 Subways in my small town (and only one McDonalds). The Zumba CEO must have had a tete-a-tete with the Subway CEO because it seems some of these well meaning people simply shouldn't be teaching Zumba. Just because you enjoy something doesn't mean you will be able to sell it.

I meant this to be funny but I think it's too late to attach any wit to this long, tiresome day. After doing some dull physical therapy on my neck (my PT thinks my shoulder pain is stemming from a bulging disc and the labrum tear is kind of secondary) and trying to figure out why my new vacuum won't work and feeling stressed about taking away a certain son's electronics after he downloaded an app I said he couldn't have, I was really hoping for some fun. I thought Zumba at any level was better than no Zumba at all.  I was wrong.