Honor Thy Mother

I had to speak in church today and this is my talk.  I am a talk reader.  I figure if the general authorities get to read their talks, then I do too.  I tried to look up and use inflection in my voice.  But, I pretty much said this word for word.  So, if you read it, and know the sound of my voice, it's like you were there:)

I think holidays, in their truest and most simple form, make the world a better place.  The earth enjoys more trees thanks to Arbor Day and what a wonderful idea to remember those who have passed on before us on Memorial Day. 

Mother’s Day is different, however.  It is the only holiday I can think of, other than Father’s Day, whose observation of is actually a commandment.  The Lord told Moses on Mount Sinai, “Honor thy father and thy mother, that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.”  Exodus 20:12

Wouldn’t it be incredible if the other nine commandments were given an entire day of attention and emphasis as well?  Can you imagine an entire day where there is no bloodshed?  What about a day without theft of any kind, or immorality or dishonesty?  Those would be holidays or “holy” days, if you say it the right way, indeed. 

Of course, Heavenly Father is not, nor has ever been, in cohorts with the greeting card and flower companies so He must have meant for us to obey this commandment more often than the once-a-year schedule we currently adhere to.

There is a book I love called Gilead by Marilynne Robinson, which contains some interesting thoughts about the Fifth Commandment.  The book is narrated by an old pastor who wants to leave his young son, who he was blessed to have in his later years, not only his memories and experiences, but also his wisdom and counsel.  As the pastor is especially anxious that his young son honors his mother after he is gone, he says this about the fifth commandment: (I am excluding the irrelevant parts, so this is not a direct quote

I think it is significant that the Fifth Commandment falls between those that have to do with proper worship of God and those that have to do with right conduct toward other people.  I have always wondered if the Commandments should be read as occurring in order of importance.  If that is correct, honoring your mother is more important than not committing murder.  That seems remarkable, though I am open to the idea. 

…if honoring authority means only that you don’t go out of your way to defy it, that really cheapens the notion of honoring as it would apply to an actual mother.  It would not be anything beautiful or important enough to be placed right at the center of the Ten Commandments…

I believe the Fifth Commandment belongs in the first tablet, among the laws that describe right worship, because right worship is right perception and here the scripture commands right perception of people…

The Lord has given most of us someone to honor – the child his parent, the parent her child.  …as for the child honoring the parent, I believe that had to be commanded because the parent is a greater mystery, a stranger in a sense.  So much of our lives have passed.  The right worship of God is essential because it forms the mind to a right understanding of God.  God is set apart – He is One, He is not to be imagined as a thing among things.  His name is set apart.  It is sacred.  Then the Sabbath is set apart from other days….Then mother and father are set apart…There’s a pattern in these Commandments of setting things apart so that their holiness will be perceived.  Every day is holy, but the Sabbath is set apart so that the holiness of time can be experienced.  Every human being is worthy of honor, but the conscious discipline of honor is learned from this setting apart of the mother and father, who usually labor and are heavy-laden, and may be cranky or stingy or ignorant or overbearing.  Believe me, I know this can be a hard Commandment to keep.  But, I believe also that the rewards of obedience are great, because at the root of real honor is always the sense of the sacredness of the person who is its object.  When you love someone to the degree of honoring her, you see her as God sees her, and that is an instruction in the nature of God.

I hope that made sense in its truncated form because it is a beautiful thought:  to honor our mothers is to see them as God sees them, and that is an instruction in the nature of God.

President Henry B. Eyring gives further insight into the Fifth Commandment.  He says, “The Lord gave you a commandment with a promise: “Honor thy father and thy mother, that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee” It is the only one of the Ten Commandments with a promise. … You may not have parents that are living. In some cases, you may not feel that your parents are worthy of the honor and respect of their children. You may not even have ever known them. But you owe them life. And in every case, even if your life is not lengthened, its quality will be improved simply by remembering your parents with honor.”

That’s the tricky thing about this holiday and this commandment.   Parents, including mothers, are human and therefore flawed, sometimes deeply.  We have a difficult enough time honoring our Heavenly Father, who is perfect.  To ask and expect us to honor someone who, perhaps, incessantly nags at us to practice the piano, or who turns off our video games when a poor grade is earned at school or who doesn’t buy us that thing that would make our life perfect may seem unreasonable.  To ask and expect us to honor someone who, perhaps, doesn’t obey the law, keep marital vows or fulfill parental responsibilities probably seems not only unfair, but impossible. 

Hugh Pinnock, a former member of the quorum of the seventy during the 1970s and 80s said this about honoring our parents:  “Sometimes a parent will do something wrong, causing some of us to ask, “How can I honor my parents when they do things that are not right?” The answer, of course, comes in the words of the Savior where he said, “I say not unto thee, until seven times: but, until seventy times seven”. We have the same responsibility to forgive a parent’s mistake as we expect to be forgiven by them and by others.

Of course, this is not Parents Day, but Mother’s Day, so I do want to focus on honoring the mothers of our lives.  As a woman, I am sensitive to how complicated this holiday can be.  Sheri Dew explained, “The subject of motherhood is a very tender one, for it evokes some of our greatest joys and also our greatest heartaches.”

Honoring our mothers, and allowing ourselves to feel honored, doesn’t mean that they, or we, are perfect.  That isn’t the point.  Elder M. Russell Ballard of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles told mothers a few conferences ago, “There is no one perfect way to be a good mother. Each situation is unique. Each mother has different challenges, different skills and abilities, and certainly different children. The choice is different and unique for each mother and each family. Many are able to be “full-time moms,” at least during the most formative years of their children’s lives, and many others would like to be. Some may have to work part-or full-time; some may work at home; some may divide their lives into periods of home and family and work. What matters is that a mother loves her children deeply and, in keeping with the devotion she has for God and her husband, prioritizes them above all else. “

I do believe that mothers can be one of the most influential forces for good in our world.  Abraham Lincoln, who became the sixteenth president of the United States, said, “All that I am, or ever hope to be, I owe to my angel mother.” 

Another story that illustrates the honor Abraham Lincoln showed to his mother tells about a time that he traveled in a stagecoach with a military man, a colonel, from the state of Kentucky. After riding a number of miles together, the colonel took a bottle of whiskey out of his pocket, and said, "Mr. Lincoln, won’t you take a drink with me?"

“Mr. Lincoln replied, ‘No, Colonel, thank you, I never drink whiskey.’

“They rode along together for a number of miles more, visiting very pleasantly, when the gentleman from Kentucky reached into his pocket and brought out some cigars, saying, ‘Now, Mr. Lincoln, if you won’t take a drink with me, won’t you take a smoke with me? …

“And Mr. Lincoln said, ‘Now Colonel, you are such a fine, agreeable man to travel with, maybe I ought to take a smoke with you. But before I do so, let me tell you a little story—an experience I had when a small boy.’

‘My mother called me to her bed one day when I was about nine years old. She was sick, very sick, and she said to me, “Abe-y, the doctor tells me I am not going to get well. I want you to promise me before I go that you will never use whiskey or tobacco as long as you live.” And I promised my mother I never would. And up to this hour, Colonel, I have kept that promise. Now would you advise me to break that promise to my dear mother, and take a smoke with you?’

‘No, Mr. Lincoln, I wouldn’t have you do it for the world. It was one of the best promises you ever made. And I would give a thousand dollars today if I had made my mother a promise like that, and kept it as you have done’

President Thomas S. Monson tells a similar story of the power and influence of righteous mothers.  He says, “Men turn from evil and yield to their better natures when mother is remembered. A famed officer from the Civil War period, Colonel Higginson, when asked to name the incident of the Civil War that he considered the most remarkable for bravery, said that there was in his regiment a man whom everybody liked, a man who was brave and noble, who was pure in his daily life, absolutely free from dissipations in which most of the other men indulged.

One night at a champagne supper, when many were becoming intoxicated, someone in jest called for a toast from this young man. Colonel Higginson said that he arose, pale but with perfect self-control, and declared: “Gentlemen, I will give you a toast which you may drink as you will, but which I will drink in water. The toast that I have to give is, ‘Our mothers.’ ”

Instantly a strange spell seemed to come over all the tipsy men. They drank the toast in silence. There was no more laughter, no more song, and one by one they left the room. The lamp of memory had begun to burn, and the name of Mother touched every man’s heart.”

It can be overwhelming to think about the amount of influence we have in our children’s lives, or even the amount of influence our mothers still have in our own lives.  More often than not, that feeling of inadequacy comes after listening to the kinds of stories I just told you.   Some of us will never have the chance to have a child in this earthly life.  Some of us will have children whose accomplishments are limited due to disease or disability.  Most of us will not have children that go on to become president of the United States, or high ranking military officers or general authorities. 

And yet, Jeffrey R. Holland tells us, “Yours is the grand tradition of Eve, the mother of all the human family, the one who understood that she and Adam had to fall in order that “men [and women] might be” and that there would be joy.  Yours is the grand tradition of Sarah and Rebekah and Rachel, without whom there could not have been those magnificent patriarchal promises to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob which bless us all.  Yours is the grand tradition of Lois and Eunice and the mothers of the 2,000 stripling warriors.  Yours is the grand tradition of Mary, chosen and foreordained from before this world was, to conceive, carry and bear the Son of God Himself.  We thank all of you, including our own mothers, and tell you there is nothing more important in this world than participating so directly in the work and glory of God, in bringing to pass the mortality and earthly life of His daughters and sons, so that immortality and eternal life can come in those celestial realms on high.   

This is our tradition.  This is our mothers’ traditions.  That we, as mothers both in the past and in the future, are the instruments to bring about mortality and joy in our Heavenly Father’s sacred plan of Salvation.    That we are chosen to bear and raise children.  President Monson urges us to remember, “May each of us treasure this truth: One cannot forget mother and remember God. One cannot remember mother and forget God. Why? Because these two sacred persons, God and mother, partners in creation, in love, in sacrifice, in service, are as one."

Contrary to the merchandising, Mother’s Day is more than a one-day event.  Heart-shaped jewelry, chocolates and flowers may be nice and readily available when in a shopping panic, however, real honor does not require a receipt.  President Spencer W Kimball said, “No gift purchased from a store can begin to match in value to parents some simple, sincere words of appreciation. Nothing we could give them would be more prized than righteous living.”

By living righteously, we say, "Happy Mother's Day.  Happy Mother's Week.  Happy Mother's year.  By living righteously, we honor our mothers.  And by so doing, we honor God.