Turmoil

I feel sad today.

We didn't have a very successful weekend. Before I left, I told Amy M., "I'm not coming home without an address!"

I came home without an address.

We've made a decision (probably, perhaps, maybe, we'll see) and both Jay and I are trying out the feeling to see if it's a good one, or if the stomach ache we've had for the last two days will persist.

Here's the situation:

Almost every home we looked at, that could even be considered a possibility (and there were some we walked through that don't fit that criteria) is located within a different elementary school's boundary. There are only seven elementary schools. We don't really want to move our kids to another school in a year. So, even though we are fully, and thankfully aware, that none of these home choices is permanent, we are hoping the school Seth and Sam start this fall will be.

The second gut wrenching dilemma is the ward situation. There are two wards in D-town. Jay grew up in the second ward. His brother's family is in Second Ward. His parents are in Second Ward. The house we are choosing (probably, possibly, maybe, we'll see) is in First Ward.

In theory, this is not even a tiny problem. Bloom where you are planted, I always say, and would never, ever think of living somewhere solely on ward boundaries. But, Jay didn't like the ward. I simply felt ambivalent upon leaving. They really weren't that friendly. Not mean. Several people came up and introduced themselves. But, Second Ward is falling all over themselves trying to get us to live within their boundaries and part of me, part of us, want to be where we are already loved. Except that the three houses that we could rent are not possibilities. They just aren't. Believe me.

In addition, there are only four Young Men in the ward. Total. Two deacons, one teacher and one priest. Not exactly a selling point.

The last thing, that apparently I just need to get over, is that the idea of a "yard" does not exist in any traditional sense. The main problem I have with the house we are choosing (probably, possibly, maybe, we'll see), is that there is no back door to the back.....er.....area. Our kids would have to go out the front door, down the stone steps, up the stone rocks to get to the non-fenced, non-grass, non-flat "backyard".

From the ad. Either side of the house is filled with rocks and the backyard, while fun with pine trees and rocks and dirt and nature, is unaccessible and hard to have Henry play in without me right by his side. Which isn't, at all, the point of a back yard.

I hate it. We've spent the last year without a real yard and it was something I was looking forward to. But, as un-ideal as my description sounds, it's still the best choice. It's better than the non-yard onto the golf course (although that home was beautiful...but the owners are family members of someone in the radiology department who haven't been able to sell it since October but want to re-list it next summer. Which means we'd have all sorts of pressure to keep the house in its current pristine condition. Which means, of course, that we'd have to sell Henry).

Taken from the golf course. Pretty, but don't people feel uncomfortable with a bunch of strangers in their back yard all day? I certainly wouldn't want any of my children out there alone.

It's better than the A-frame house whose back yard has a creek running through it (swiftly moving and no fence either).

It had TWO bathrooms with steps up to the toilet and tub. Very stately.

The living room. The creek runs behind the deck. Beautiful. But very remote. We'd be alone most of the time.

It's even better than the trashed house by the college that has a patio but then a mountain behind it (nice for privacy...but not for play!)

Did I mention that the house we are choosing (probably, possibly, maybe, we'll see) is also the most expensive one? ( of course.) And that it's available now which means we'll have to pay that expensive rent for an entire month without living there? (exactly what I said I wasn't going to do.) Grrrrr!

Oh...I'm making no sense and I'm tired of typing. I'm so grouchy today! But, I want to post so grouchy it is. Sorry.

The totem pole doesn't seem so bad now. It's modest, as far as totem poles go.

I just looked at my post and realized I started as sad. Amazing what blogging can do for my mood. Sad to grouchy. Huh.